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It frustrates me when I am miserable and frustrated without having a tangible cause. I have been throwing stones, rather pathetically lately at lonliness and I thought that was 'dealt with' last night. I had a peculiar God moment where I finally gave in the instant the thoughts threw a party in my mind, and found myself where I was being affirmed in a way I needed it. Stuff that really hit home, what I've heard before of course, what I even understand regularly in the knowledge sense, but in a way that somehow got through. This morning bought some extremely relevant truths or promtings rather, in regard to what's been slowly building in relation to living life as we should as Christians. The radical kingdom of God stuff. Kathy Downes was speaking, not only were the themes consistent with what's been dancing around my head (looks like husbands and wives talk after all :P) but she mentioned something similar to what I experienced last night which made my ears and mind all the more sharp. Parallels were drawn with passion and mission, inhaling and exhaling, intimacy and compassion, contemplative and activist. X without Y is irrelevant to the world and Y without X doesn't work for very long. I've been erring on the side of Y for a while now surprisingly (for me) and I know it. She also mentioned she'd been asking God to take the lens of familiarity off, then reading the sermon on the mount Luke 6:17ff and again and again until it becomes shocking. Seeing how it begins to challenge you. During the last song or so while people were getting prayed for, Peter caught my eye then came over and asked me if I would pray for one of the girls. He gave me the option of yes or no. I really don't like being put on the spot when I'm given the no option because that response is always the easier and I knew if I took it, my overly horrible conscience would beat me to the floor later. I did however say "No". I've been wandering through the reasons why I did. The laughable - and this is not to justify it, is that I was busting to go to the loo and I knew that if I went over, that it wasn't going to happen for a least another 15 minutes. I had spent a lot of time during the sermon thinking over stuff excessively in relation to my own life and when people went up for prayer I slightly neglected to listen for what it was about - I'm thinking now that it was about the stuff shared, makes perfect sense, but I was unsure and this held me back. I am a big fat introvert and I didn't know her. Maybe I am also a little uncertain of myself. All of these are really bad excuses... except maybe the toilet one. I could have and would have asked her what she wanted prayer about - thats common sense, I am not so much of an introvert that I've never talked to random strangers - I do that more than I like to admit, I could have just bitten the bullet and pushed my inhibitions aside for the sake of another person. Good stuff Bec. I now I want to know why I felt uncertain. Laura and I went for lunch to Susannah's. Daniel was in on the plan, but backed out last minute due to lack of testosterone (Tim couldn't come) don't blame him. So we had a rather lovely lunch which took a long time to make as we made a quiche on her mum's spontaneity. Quiche's aren't exactly done in 10 minutes... Susannah's family are hilarious (in a good way). Played Man Bites Dog and left around 4pm. Dad's my hero. He replaced the faulty speedo in my car this afternoon. Now I don't have keep guessing. This evening I was being thoroughly unreasonable which, if you can remember the start of this altogether too long blog post, drew back to being frustrated at an incomprehendable reason. As a result I started going through all the different choices and things that dissatisfy me with my life at the moment. I can't stand my work most of the time. I see my uni course pointing me in a direction that from where I stand, seems to do nothing to help anyone, doesn't particularly enthrall me and has taught me pretty much nothing useful thus far. I still was sitting in the lonely pit and thus not happy at myself for thinking along the lines of being unhappy at this. Make sense? After butchering some time and watching another P&P episode I sat down and read some pages of an old journal type book of mine. I was still frustrated but convinced I'd better do something about it. The journal left off at my wonderings around Romans 11. So, Romans 12 - why not start reading there? What I set out to read didn't exactly happen as my eye was caught further across the page. God challenged me specificially about something that would be good for me to do and isn't exactly a 'norm'. My attitude definitely has to change around the situation/person, but it's the 'optional action' that scares me. I'll call it that because I think it is optional but it's a call to something a bit radical (let me use that word for the sake of context). I was tracing thoughts around it and started thinking of all the people and out of the box opportunities I've had with working where I am now. I've been waltzing around telling people I'm going to quit my job sometime soon, I think I have to take it back now because I'm fairly sure God's told me no. It was a left wing thought, I think he still wants me there. Oddly. Although the idea isn't the most thrilling, I feel pretty settled about it. My Tuesday afternoon lecture was cancelled, this makes finishing all those assignments far more possible. I have so many due this week. Monica got engaged today. What a curious continuation of a remarkable story that is... I'm happy for her, but I don't know quite what to think.

Conceptual photography

Dear Laura, Emily & Hannah, As my sisters you have been cast into the unique position of being obligatory subjects for my conceptual photography assignment. Before you back out mildly horrified (by the way, backing out is not an option) understand this should take no more than half an hour of your time. Before Wednesday, preferably Monday - I will make a time with you during daylight hours. Please have with you the following items:

• An A4 sheet of paper with your name written any way you like so long as it is legible. If colours or other added drawings appeal to you that’s fine too.
• A favourite book or a movie if you prefer them to books. One only.
• A Childhood toy
• A pair of shoes that you like and wear
• A favourite bag
• Something that symbolises an important memory
• Something that shows/symbolises someone significant to you
• Something to do with a hobby you have
• Something to do with what you are doing in 2006

Please be wearing your favourite type of clothing be it everyday, formal, ski-jacket etc… your choice. You know this sounds like fun! Any questions please ask me, but make all the choices of the items your own and do not confer with eachother and ask what they are bringing. Your help, time and ingenuity is greatly appreciated, Love Rebecca

Keep the customer satisfied

Before I go and indulge myself in some Pride and Prejudice - because I feel like it, and before I start entertaining any thoughts of taking a blogging break to get all my uni assignments done, I might as well say something about today as it was full of interesting moments. My wake up call was Dad yelling at me to do the dishes, which I slightly stupidly left last night. Not the worlds most pleasant way to get up but I took it slow and managed to grab another 20 minutes of snoozing. By that time I was in a thoroughly decent mood, had some breakfast, put the new CD on (Youth Alive one that Jas endowed me with). I'm really not one for live music as it always comes with copious amounts of cheering which sets my teeth on edge - however if you disable the few disaster tracks, 90% of the CD is really not bad. I am more impressed with WA Youth Alive music than I thought I'd be, couldn't stand it all the time, but a dose now and then is fine and was quite enjoyed. So I did the dishes slowly as I was in a lesiurely thinking, listening mood. Why can't doing the dishes always be such a pleasant experience! I ended up driving to work after intending to get the train as I got distracted and basically ran out of time to make it. Petrol is so horribly expensive. Dave came into work about 20 minutes after I'd started and drifted nearby and we talked for quite a while, as much as I dared anyway. Needless to say, my manager wasn't around or I wouldn't have hardly acknowledged him. There is absoultely no problem that I can see if I can still do my work. I was made to multitask. Dusting shelves and checking orders and giving the occasional customer help is not worthy of high concentration. I was helping a guy looking for a book on the Commonwealth Games, we didn't have any, so I suggested a place on Swanston St. I think he was slightly not quite all there and he followed me when I came out of the registars area and started telling me he was going to the footy but not into that part of the city etc. I really don't like it when my personal space is invaded, he was far too close and it took a bit of moving and some go-nowhere responses for him to get the picture. We get a few strange people in the shop. Mr. I'll wait until the very last minute to leave was there again as Susan and I were closing, he's creepy. I'd been helping a lady (teacher) in looking for a very particular lot of books - something about a fussy Yr.8 reader who needed factual (but not too factual), action, modern, strong language (a bonus), not too small text, not too large a book, not too dumbed down... and on and on went the list of specifications. I was suggesting things as I came across them and doing a fair bit of guess work. You usually only spend about 5 minutes helping someone, occasionally you apprehend an exception. She was reasonably nice, but very direct. She ended up with about twelve books on the counter 'choosing'. Simone stepped in for a moment as I had to help someone else and the woman was writing down the majority of the titles in a notebook. Simone pretty muched asked her what she was doing. She picked three and told Simone quite rudely to her face that she'd go and find all the others through some other place. You just don't do that when you've basically used a lot of a staff member's time (mine). I wasn't too bothered about the time/difficulty of my interaction with her, but the other two were fairly indignant and I can see why. She did come up later and say thank you to me, that still doesn't deride from the fact that what she did wasn't exactly right. Around 2:30pm we had chaos errupt in the form of conciding complications. The same woman paid through an account and while Simone was putting it through one computer entirely locked up (there are two for the registar). So both systems had to be rebooted, Susan bought out a batch of bags that were very faulty, not a huge drama, it pretty was busy... and we ran out of change. It did keep us on our toes. I got my break an hour later than I should have. Half an hour break is a luxury sometimes. I went and found Dave where he was discounting coleslaw :P and talked for a bit then went off and got myself some Mrs. Fields coffee. Tried some of the chocolate we are giving anyone who spends over $40 over the Mothers Day period at Dymocks - Lindt Creme Caramel. Not bad, a bit rich. Some males are inbuilt with the know-how of how to give compliments without appearing to be sleasy. I let some older guy know he was getting some chocolate and he said something about me not looking like I ate it, I confess I totally missed what he was getting at, then realised and smiled at him. He joked about if he spent over $80 that he'd get two and then grabbed another book to add to the 4 or so he was already getting. It made it over $80. I snuck in the extra block, but I think he saw me. I love cheerful people. To top off the interesting customers. A lady tried to return three kids books, they can't have totalled more than $45 because she needed the money back on her credit card. People can try to look desperate and serious but it does them no credit (hehe). If they are foolish enough to abuse their finances in that way, they shouldn't own the piece of plastic in the first place. We don't give refunds ever unless maybe it's on the same day. Her's was definitely not. "Can I talk to the manager?" "No she's not here" "When will the manager be here?" "Monday" "How late?" "Probably until about 5:00pm" "Can I have the number to the Dymocks head office?" (I look at Susan) "The head office has nothing to do with it, this is a franchise." She walked away dissatisfied and still clutching her books, but hey, what can you do? There was a girl in the shop with her boyfriend and another guy and woah, if the majority of the world had personalities like hers it'd definitely be a better place. I like seeing people getting excited about buying books, I like it when they treat you as if you are doing them a service and you matter. She mentioned she'd met Zuhal the other day and how lovely she was and just genearally a smiling and pleasant person. Smart guy I say for picking her! The were all really hohum, lets use an old word, amiable it suits perfectly. Wonderful customers! Susan and I did the close and in the last ten minutes she asked me if I was interested in potentially house sitting for a friend of a friend - she's done it in the past but can't do it this time. Sometime in May or June. The unit is in Nunawading and walking distance from the station. This is close to uni! 8 whole weeks, no rent! I'd be there to feed the cat and keep the place clean. I am sorely tempted, but have to get a few more details, see if it's still available, work out how much it'll cost me food wise and if I can live without internet access for that long :P How pathetic. If I can ring in someone else, that'd work too. Worth some thought and some more investigation. It'd be utterly glorious getting out of this house for a while. Conclusio.... it's gotten a bit late to indulge, but why not!

Permissible context

I enjoy reading articles from the Boundless Website, not saying I 100% endorse everything shared, but it's generally one of the decent ways to point my mind in various directions at interesting and relevant topics. In the past I've refered to the following verse (and those like it) quite regularly particularly in regards to some of the relationship orientated stuff I've explored.

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything." - 1 Cor 6:12

I don't know if you have those 'usefuls' that you drag up over and over again? Context is a huge issue when reading the Bible and I hope that I usually deal with it and check and double check what I'm trying to glean. I definitely believe that the Holy Spirit can use God's Word in whatever way to get through to us. I know that I've had several 'out of context' moments that I've actually needed at the time. I'm not recommending this as a regular practice and I far too often just randomly open my Bible and read what I hit first. With the 1 Corinithians verse, this article on Boundless pointed out something that I was unaware of in it's completeness.

"Please note that when Paul writes in First Corinthians, "All things are lawful (permissible) for me," he is not establishing a divine mandate for a free-for-all of entertainment indulgence. He is, instead, quoting a false proverb then common among the Corinthians so that he might refute it."

I do like the 1 Cor 6:12 version of the everything permissible as it seems to highlight Paul's personal conviction, "I will not be mastered by anything". I am curious as to how much of, "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" is part of this false proverb and how it originated and I'm not exactly sure where to source it, I'd better find a commentary somewhere.... it appears as if the emphasis of the falsity is on the first half, which is exactly why context is important. Too many people do use verses like this to justify what they can do, they clip the ending and run with the first apparent truth they lay hold of. It's a bit shoddy of me to grab too much from the articles I'm using as what drama students might call stimulus, but this quote is definitely worthy of repeating.

"Whatever weakens your reason, whatever impairs the tenderness of your conscience, whatever obscures your sense of God, whatever increases the authority of your body over your mind, whatever takes away from your relish for spiritual things, that to you is sin, no matter how innocent it is in itself." - Susanna Wesley

In the past I've explored a fair bit on self-control (and I'll dredge up a link to an old post when I've got a bit more time). Susanna Wesley wrote this in response to her son John's question of what sins he should avoid, which is a really peculiar thing to ask. We are called to 'flee from xyz' and, 'do not conform but be renewed'. We class sin as sin regardless, even though we tend in our human minds to weigh one worse than the other. This religion adheres and appears to delight in the 'thou shalt not' commands. I'd like to think that in debunking the myth of 'everything is permissible' that we still grab hold of what it means to simply not, 'thou shalt not' but that we recognise why we do and should strive to steer clear of the both the non-beneficial things and the easily definiable sins. As a Christian, I'd like to be living my life to the best that I can to glorify God. I shouldn't be facing the wrong, maybe taste testing and then hitting it away because I 'have to', I should be looking the other way in the first place. I shouldn't be living according to a code of rules but in response to the one who is greater than everything.

Stars and company

I don't do a whole lot of entertaining, I don't do a whole lot of cooking for that matter either, but tonight I did both! Sam got down here around 5:30. We pottered around for a good while and I started making dinner as soon as Mum got home with the few things I needed. Burritos, nice and easy, Sam cut everything up and I did the meat etc. It's a funny thing getting me in a kitchen sometimes, I'm probably a bit too, 'whatever goes' when it comes to food. However it worked... Sam's desert :P well that's another story (yeh hurt me later). Set the table and what not, then we bummed around my room for ages and estimated 6:30-7:00 for Jas and Paul to get here. 7:00 passed and I lay on my bed complaining now and then about being hungry while Sam took over my msn. Laura went ahead and ate. I decided if they weren't here by 7:30 I'd go ahead and eat. They just made it. Took a trip to Sky High (top of Mt Dandenong) to take a look at the lights. Dropped by Reinhards on the way up and managed to score another person to fill the car. Payed the $4 for not the worlds greatest view. Few too many lights up there and the sky was a bit smoggy. I decided Bourkes lookout was in order so we drove there after a slight detour and a glance and a half at the Melways. It is entirely necessary in my opinion to take the shortcut (you have to walk a bit from the parking area) so I led the scramble down the hill in the dark, no torches and I was doing it from memory having been there once about three years ago. We sat and looked and talked for quite some time. The drifting smell of smoke coming from what I don't want to know about wasn't so pleasant but the drunk J (who I know of, from school) and his mates didn't hang around too long. Unfortunately the best lookout on the mountain (known of) does tend to attract such and other behaviour. A good evening. It was nice to opportunity to catch up with Jas again seeing as he's on the other side of this very large island most of the time. And now I'm exceptionally tired. One of these days I'll blog about something more than just my day. What do you want to hear about?

The work of work

Competition: who can find me through google (that is this blog) first? And how'd you do it? 8:45 start work 8:55 check shifts for the week 8:56 cut sick inside at being rostered again on a Sunday 9:00-5:00 think about alternative work options, muse over the grapevine news Dad shared that my old boss wants me back 9:30 get the guts and wait until she's had her coffee then tell manager I'm not working Sunday 9:31 manager tells me I have to tell her before she does the roster next time 9:31 I tell manager a little more forcefully than smart that I have told her before 9:32 nothing else said, I go on my merry but bored way and continue working 11:12 surupticious hello to Dave as manager is lurking in the shop 11:15 break time, make Dave late back to work as I hold him up talking 1:00 lunch with Sam 3:00 hi to Darryn and Sam 3:30 rat incident out in the back office, Susan is freaked, I am completely unperturbed - looks like growing up where you catch them live and then petition with your dad to just let them go instead of drowning them counts for something. 4:00 break spent with Sam, cash in on free drink at Gloria Jeans 5:00 conclusio of really not so bad a day at work 5:15 drive with Sam to Croydon to pick up slides 5:45 pay criminal ammount for petrol after having erm trouble finding the lever to open the stupid thing... never filled my car up before. 6:00... dinner, online, shower, tv, online 11:30+ book, bed, sleep NB: times approximate and probably really wrong. Dymocks has until May, where it faces evaluation and me finding the sense to let them know I shall be quitting. It's not always (or really at all) that bad a place to work but compared to MBO... well! If Col will give me one day a week work (that's all I'd want), I'd drop the books and run, just like that. Alternatively I shall take over mum's book selling on Ebay or find out some other way to work from the comfort of home in my own leisure. I am not worried about being jobless, I am highly employable, but I'd rather be earning something consistantly and make yet another smooth transition from one job to the next. If all else fails, I'll cash in on the family reputation and become a checkout chick at Spotlight (so help me!). Other options include talking to Martin H about working/doing something for MECS (old school) as that appeals, busking (without musical talent, yeh that might not work), freelance wordprocessing (that'd be boring), going to market with Sam (yeah right you'd have to pay me a lot more than what she gets to make me do those hours), delivering mum's junkmail (so shoot me) or decreasing all spending habits, which aren't large anyway and start reporting non-income to Centrelink on time so I can be a bummy student that lives off the government, but I already do. Oh wow! MBO's website is brilliant compared to what it used to be (that'd be my fault) so much simpler and no I'm not being sarcastic, I like it a lot. Do you think I could $ tag some of my photos that got used? :P That'd solve the work issue. I might even be admitting that I miss the old orange and purple :\

When your inbox smiles on you

Bang. There goes all motivation for getting up early to finish that assignment. "You all have an extension until 12 noon, Friday 5th May, 2006. No extensions will be granted after this date." I could kiss her! Well. maybe not. Post count for the 27/4: 2 of x.

Playground antics in a political domain

My hectic social life seems to eternally be getting in the way of the important Solomons news. An outline (my outline) and take on things can be found here if you need a little context. So dinner conversation over some not so fantastic nachos wandered around aimlessly and found itself concerned with Synder Rini. This guy was the Prime Minister of the Solomons up until about yesterday, which is the news I'd missed. The man with the smoothly suspicious name had an extremely loyal party who crossed the floor to the opposition thereby forcing him to step down. They did have the decency to ask him to resign first, a choice which was not a choice when you really think about it. What gets me is that people literally danced in the streets. If they were so utterly concerned, why oh why didn't so many of them vote in the first place! An inside look on the methods of voting over there - not that I ever had the opportunity to, might help to be a citizen. In the past each candidate got their own box. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of if you consider voting to be a private affair. Here is the key to why bribery used to work so well. If the bribee went against the money paying individual/group it was pretty much branded on their forehead by the time they even left the building (although I dare say it could've been held outside). I don't like to think consequences, and I don't know of any specific circumstances but yeah, it's probable. This past election they finally resorted to one box method, which in theory should make the voting 'cleaner'. Of course fear is the ultimate motivator and bribery I'm sure can work without the clarifying. So it seems Rini becomes the interim PM whereby the whole lousy process starts all over again. If a certain Mr. Wale got in I think I would treat myself to a very expensive present. Unfortunately I somehow doubt that will occur.

Departing markedly from the usual or customary; extreme

Ha, where to start? A funny old day. Jess's car failed to start this morning, so I got to show off mine, it's extreme lack of guts and subjected the poor girl to some Relient K which happened to be the only CD I had in my car. What a glorious change! We a substitutor *cough* this morning as the normal tutor was away. Dare I say, we actually did some work. I quite enjoyed the stronger direction of the class, but there would be the J coming out in me. We did have to make flip-books in looking at animation concepts and it felt all very primary school in cutting up bits of red cardboard. I was extremely artistic and made a square move up and down. One of the guys, Ben is a leftie (left-handed) and I don't think I've ever seen someone so mutilate a piece of cardboard that unintentionally before. Of course I couldn't resist commenting and so ended up doing his cutting as 'pay'. I simply cannot see what makes conceptual art worthwhile. Having to watch yet another documentry on a guy with whacked ideas while the tutor wanders off to do their own stuff is mildly infuriating. I'm struggling a fair bit in my course actually in relating to what I can actually do, how I can benefit the world through something like multimedia. I'm sure there is something, but it feels drastically pointless. Needless to say I have not so far been inspired and talking about conceptual art further dampens any lasting light. I am seriously considering the option of changing courses by the end of the year. Please, please give me something I can use my head in. I am so sick of bludgy classes, indefinite deadlines and half learning things that don't really interest me. I and roughly four others showed up to the photography tute and soon got the distinct impression it wasn't going to be 'on'. I double checked and sure enough it wasn't. We disipated. I ran into Bec on the way out and let her know what was happening, then called Jess who was in the middle of a tute. An hour to kill, which = lunch. Such a rarity on Wednesdays! I succumbed to buying something and had settled down to be a loner with a library book, SUCH A NERD, when Jen and her friend Hannah noticed me. So much for the book. Talk about strange conversations. I was talking a bit with God this morning about conversational opportunies and sure enough... never ask for something you aren't willing to really get. Both are MLC girls (Methodist Ladies College) and eventually talk wound it's way around to denominations. I have been trying to be as honest as I can about where I am coming from, I just hate it when I lack the knowledge to answer say, the difference between Presbyterian and Anglican. It's not exactly the kind of distinction I've sat down to look at. Curiously, both girls treated denominations as totally different religions, which is something I did sort of set straight or erm, at least mentioned. I did get the, "Are you a Christian Christian, or an Anglican type of Christian?". Vineyard is a frustrating denomination to explain, and hey being a transient MK I've been to everything from AOG to Bretheren. Come to think of it, I was talking to Rhys and Ben this morning about theology, "What's that?" and religion as I was explaining what I'd done last year. It surprises me that religion is such a 'big thing' to talk about at uni, people don't mind it at all and we're so freakishly post-modern that everything's okay. What's good for you is good for you. Hannah soon bought up another common female topic of conversation. Relationships. I got asked the inevitable to which I gave the honest, 'Alas and nay' and then she very kindly tagged the, "Ever had to turn anyone down?" question on the end. Remind me again the reasons I avoid such games like truth and dare. Anyway, It turns out I'm not such a weird one, Jen has never done the boyfriend thing before either although (ergh this sounds harsh but its' not meant to) um, I dare say my reasons a slightly different then hers. After the Christian comment I also had to take the very direct, "What about abstinence and stuff like that?". Which was kind of cool because I don't mind saying that I want to save sex until I'm married. Another leap was made to, "What about kissing?", as they both knew someone that was carrying the abstience thing down those lines. I am rather glad I have worked this one out. I never was very definite about the whole idea of not kissing until my wedding day and although there is some kind of aura around the notion, I really don't think it's necessary. Kissing should definitely not be something you enter into lightly. I think it's another way of showing affection - okay it's probably more than that, in a relationship. I would not like to find myself kissing someone I didn't have some kind fairly strong commitment to. Curious conversations. Jess wagged her last tute and we ran into Isobelle, so we all went off to see V for Vendetta. I am slightly regretting seeing it now. It was good, but far too violent. Jessies' make THE BEST Satay chicken pizza in the world, add a bit of pineapple and you have a a gormet means by which to stuff your face while you're sitting in your car stinking it out. Didn't dare take it inside, or there would've been no leftover to speak of, let alone eat. Pete got us talking about the word radical, split us into three groups and fed us questions: Define radical? What makes you radical? What is a being a radical Christian? I found it started becoming a bit of a 'get to know you thing' when we had to talk about the second which is not exactly a bad thing. It's really hard to work out what makes you radical. Try it out and tell me, otherwise I've got a new conversation starter and I'll get to you eventually. Back into a big group and had some good discussion around the collective thoughts. Kat and I got talking about blogging, she said a certain other person (present) blogs and asked for mine, which I was perfectly happy to give her. Anyway, we drifted up the road to Macca's after and I was talking to him about it (blogging) note: I did not ask for his blog-address. Tonight when I got home I did something extremely stupid. "Google is your friend" All the time I was telling myself, "Don't you dare Rebecca! You wouldn't like it, don't do it!" and I went and found it. Now I feel traitorous and rather bad and so will have to get to him asap to apologise. I am quite embarassed actually. I shall not read it until I get permission and I certainly don't deserve it. It was very stupid and I rather regret it, because despite not really knowing him all that well I have a lot of respect for him. Stupid, stupid. Oh yes, when leaving Macca's I came out to find my car on much more of a distinct angle then where I'd left it, after a brief horrified, "I didn't park that badly did I Jess!?" We realised it'd been turned, undoubtably by Cameron and Daniel. The 'up' windscreen wipers confirmed it, as did the highly amusing phonecall Jess had with them on the way back. And thus concludes my day, another which you get to read about because I'm too slack to write on ideas and concepts at the moment. I forgot to call work again to check my shifts and so shall be hoping the trip to make the 8:45am start isn't in vain. Perhaps I should sleep.

The patience of yawn

I was talking about my involvement with Gush ie: 'history in a nutshell' and some of the not so greats in being a mod today with hmm, no we wont name them. Anyway this person stands almost totally outside my online life, thank goodness (it's nice to have a few) and hasn't known me all that long and they said something about me being really patient. To which I sort of scoffed at in the politest way you can do when you are given a compliment. They were being quite genuine and I guess it got me thinking. I am almost positive I've mentioned me and patience before, because as a general rule Rebecca and the big P word have done war fairly consistently over the past years. I am not, in my own eyes or head a very patient person although I am fairly sure I have improved slightly over the past couple of years. I can look back with curiousity at a 'blessing' I was once given. It was a little unusual, it must have been just before or just after we came back from the Solomons for the last time. So I was about 15 perhaps. Johann is a close family friend and we'd been staying at his parents place somewhere up near Sydney. They returned the night or so before we left and on our departure Johann's Dad asked my Dad if he could, I guess, say a blessing individually for each of us girls. I remember vaguely what Hannah's was about, not Laura's or Emilys but I do remember mine. Patience. It was an extremely odd time to bring that up in my life. I can recall my sisters actually having a bit of a laugh about it as I'm simply not (or wasn't) patient at all. I didn't really get the relevance to then, but in a way I've seen it play out more and more. It's good to know that we are being prepared in some way for what's ahead, it's just a pity that we always seem to have to look backwards and find some broader context to know where God's been working rather then seeing what's now and relevant. At the same time I like that, we can't fortune tell our lives and we can't expect someone else to do that, be it God or human. Perhaps patience plays a larger part in my life than I realise. Sure hope it doesn't always have to be that way but thankfully the shaping of us does happen despite the growing pains.

Middle of the day

What a fine day. After pleasantly beating my alarm up, I stuffed around until it was time to head off to Darryn's 21st. That's right, in the middle of the day. A stupendous idea, I intend to do the same, far nicer then an evening with loud music and dancing. Spit roast and other such nice food. An exceptional afternoon - we (meaning I taxied Sam) were there 5hrs. About a third of the yiters showed up along with a few others I knew/know of. Jacqui - Alecia's housemate who I'd met once and have no idea how she knows Darryn, Dan of the Berwick yits variety and um Geoff's sister Anita- not that I've talked to her or have even met her but, small world. Anyway I had excellent conversations with quite a few people. It was good to catch up with Nathan and Jessmyn and Dawn and all those. Can't believe some of the distance those kids travelled! Dave showed his face later as well as Alecia. Everything was fine and dandy. Darryn's little brother is extremely cool. 4yr olds are lucky people, they can run around and go mad and do exactly as they please without anyone thinking they are fools. Despite it being a family and friends event it wasn't one of those stuffy, long winded speech type's which was as it should be. The sore throat I woke up with is now worse, that'll teach me for yacking my face off.

Mothers and Mentors

After posting my 'camp extravaganza' I realised I'd missed something. Sunday morning the guys and girls split up. We got inside and the couches. Roz and Evie lead the 'stuff'. We started off talking about friendships and Roz read excerpts from a book called, "Big Girls Don't Whine" which is one I've had half an eye on for some time. Now I have to (that's compulsory) go and get myself a copy. Then we talked about mums and sisters - which was strange for both Laura and myself seeing as we are eachothers, and share one. I confess we 'dragged' happily along for far longer than the guys needed to and spent several hours going over all this stuff. As someone pointed out, we never talk about mums/mothers. We mention fathers all the time but it seems mothers slip off the radar and are probably more of a reckoning force than most of us would like to admit. There was a huge benefit to having Laura there in that we worked out that we have some similar attitudes towards our mum. Closeness - as in the tight friendship thing is something that I don't have any desire for with her, which as Sam said, is, "a bit sad" but that's the way it is. And in seeing where she is with God (oh I know she does love God immensely) but she's not that clear cut and so I haven't the role model so to speak in that area. I can put myself and I need to put myself in a place where I am working on improving the relationship and see what happens, I guess as long as I am stepping in the right direction... The topic of mentors has come up lately. Laura, oddly enough has our Grandma as her mentor. I haven't really got anyone. I had Renee (sort of) for a little while, but it didn't quite work as it should with distance as an issue. I genuinely want a mentor, I can see the huge value in it, but something in me still wonders how it would work. I honestly don't know what I'd talk to 'her' about. My words have a far grander time of making it from my head to paper then they do from head to mouth. Apparently you can go and chat to Kathy (Pete's wife) and she'll find you someone - an older godly woman from the church asap. I need a bit more of a push and shove before I do this... how would it work with someone you don't know? I'm tempted to talk to Evie about it, she's what, 26 - still not sure though - might be better to just keep her as a friend. I guess I shall have to continue and uh, maybe even start praying about it.

A very cold but an oddly defining weekend in the life of Rebecca

It's curious (I do like that word) how God completes circles and brings you to a satisfying point of either completion or at least closure. My entire last year had this massive background focus on 'community'...

"My whole aim of last year's YITS was to discover that community type thing again - fairly sure I've talked about that. Yet my biggest issue last year was in vulnerability, it's bizarre, which reminds me, I never did share my 'mid-year' camp experience. Perhaps it was Gods roundabout way of letting me know there was more than being just a group of people that wind up together."

I got a pretty good idea before camp (which is where I've been the past few days) that this was a little of what God was going to do.

"Maybe it's that time where it's all drawn together with a little closure for me, I've harked on about the issue for over a year now - longer. I hope that the up coming camp ends up being very 'community' orientated, in simply the way camps do. The closeness that comes on camps is desireable but I'd like it to be continued."

Not so surprisingly much of this was on God's agenda for me. Differently of course then I thought of how might play out. I drove down to Torquay with Susannah in some very fine brown Melbourne sludge skies with roads to match. We get along rather well so it was not a chore in the slightest, a long way to drive but we were right. Had slight difficulty in finding the last turn off as erm, Susannah thought we'd gone too far when we actually hadn't, but we still arrived well on time - there being no definite in the first place. The place was little more than a glorified shed (but still really well set up) and was extremely drafty. Colder inside then out at some points. We had fires both places and wore about 8 layers of clothes a person, stomped round in ugg boots (which seems to be a commonality of both the girls and the guys) and squashed up on some ancient couches, chairs, the floor under sleeping bags. Saturday morning turned out for me to be dealing with some of this 'time/busy' stuff and where God is on the priority list. Roz talked about the Kingdom of God and living life that way and sent us off to 'think/talk' to God about what might be hindering us. Time was the big fat obvious one for me. Others shared things from status to success to career. I came across Ezekiel 37:15-28 which is a totally obscure passage about a prophesy but God threw something infront of me that highlighted some relevance. A fairly relaxed afternoon. After lunch most of us took off to the beach for a wander, kick of the footy. Susannah, Evie and I walked the length of the beach. S and I came with Tim (IT Tim) and Geoff and so stopped to get a huge ammount of sparklers and tape on the way back. There were some issues with a gas leak and the place entirely running out, so having to go to the lady who run's the place's house to use their oven to cook the lasagne (dinner). This also meant no hot water. Showers were again offered by Linda (the lady who runs it) even though it meant trecking into her house to take advantage of it. Peter D came up to do something for our evening time. We started talking more about the Holy Spirit but ended up talking about events>beliefs>behaviors and this is where I dealt with some of that 'community' stuff and left over junk that I hadn't fully let go of around leaving the Solomons. I was a bit surprised to find I hadn't totally dealt with it but God is gracious and seems to provide opportunities to bring to mind what we miss. Evening that followed = Tim's sparkler bomb that wasn't quite as spectacular as it could've been, fireball soccer which fell apart after a fairly short while but was quite amusing all the same. I didn't join in this one as I had one pair of shoes with me and didn't exactly want to melt them. A game of spotlight out in the paddock. Don't know how many cowpats we collectively lay on. A goodly ammount of talking and laughing. Then the descision was made to play Canasta - which is a card game. I tracked down all who knew the rules: Geoff, Dan, Tim (IT), Laura (she came up late) and we pulled in Cameron as an extra. Everyone else went to bed bar Jess W and Susannah who stayed up to watch. So Laura taught Cameron, and Dan told us all about this 'proper' rule about wild cards and the first play. After three rounds, this rule had left Geoff and me (team game: Laura & Cam, Dan & Tim, Geoff & me) with -900 something points (that's right, read NEGATIVE) so I pulled the rules out and made Dan read them - he couldn't find it. We played until about 3am, which was around when I finally woke up. I decided the 7 or so hot drinks I'd had that day had finally kicked in. No joke - actually there were quite a few being made, I think I just warmed up to being myself around some of these relatively new people. I love how God has turned all these changes into what it is now. I love this bunch of people immensely, they are all rather diverse but a quality group. It's remarkable that when you go chasing something like community and you lament what you've lost that when you and others have been seeking God on it that he doesn't just let things go and slide, yes I had to wait but I was given a transit community (YITS) and people there to push me along and now things are for the moment right. It is good. A funny, slow, change process and a horribly long winded discovery of what community is and the expression of it in it's many different forms. When it is truly community you know, you can see God at work and there is this banding together that is not entirely natural. And so I remember those there: Roz & Andy, Sarah & Chris, Geoff, Tom, Dan, Cam, Dave, Marty, Tim (IT), Tim, Evie, Laura, Jess H, Susannah, Jess W, Izzy, Jerome (for one afternoon), Me. and anyone else I've forgotten. Three of us also got 'floured' - thanks very much to Dan and Cam ie: in my shoes and my ugg boots, I was by far the least worst hit and seemingly an after thought as my only 'retribution means' was some disliked card play. Jess copped a faceful by night due to the 'ham slapping' incident earlier in the day and Izzy got a handful during the day, due to her cooperation or simply because she got angry at them flouring Jess. You'll also see that the arrow pointing at Bec in the thoroughly lightened photo is where I had made it warm shortly before, I had not disappeared into the pile of sleeping bag on the couch or into the white light (of the projector we were using in place of the fluro), I was shockingly taking the photo (this being the 3am set up.)

Lamp

I went to be last night with a headache bigger than a shiner. You'd expect sleep to cure things, but when I woke up after a none too pleasant and really strange dream around 3am, it was still there - worse than ever. Pathetic moanings don't come too easily at that time as you are well and truly still in sleep mode but came they did in some form or other. I faced the light, got a drink, ran through all the options of opting out of work and prayed desperately that I wasn't getting sick which would mean a miserable weekend. Woke up the second time appropriately to my alarm and it was gone. Eight hours of work. Not too painful. Longish, however Thursdays are the standard: start work with Simone and Mel, Susan joins us around lunchtime and Mel disappears more out the back. Grace comes just as Simone and I are leaving. I spent too much on lunch today, but couldn't face having fried something. I don't know if cheap pasta is any better - and it only tastes good for the first few mouthfuls but sometimes its nice to have a bit of a change. I dropped off at Croydon on the way home, the Camera House is open until 6pm on Thursdays (Got love that! For once something works to my advantage!). Picked up my photos, the majority of which are for my typology. It's really for my comparitive imaging class (ie: digital) but scanned photos are quite acceptable in my opinion. I am pleased with the photos - some of which are now up on flickr. The two slide films that I put in wont be ready until next week some time. We had people over for dinner, friends of Wendy's and I think the parentals have met them once before. A missionary family heading back to Vanuatu sometime soon, two boys 9 and 7. Turns out they know the Batcocks - small world. They came to talk homeschooling with Mum, seeing as she happens to be something of wizard on it. This also means we got Chicken and Broccoli (casserole) for dinner which is one of my absoultest favouritest meals in the whole wide world and to top it off, chocolate pudding for desert. What a meal! Scanned all my photos, which took an age but had to be done. Wow they do such a better job then Kmart. Who cares if it's an extra dollar or two, it's so worth it. Threw together my typology which means I can somewhat console myself with not a complete disattention to anything homework related. See. I think it's cool. Tomorrow I pack, go register my car (maybe in the other order), then drive to Chirnside and pick up the lovely Susannah and then proceed down to Torquay - which means I shall not be online until probably Sunday night. I have yet to work out if I can make it to Tom's 21st (sorry Tom for such late notice!) but if I do, that means backtracking by my ownsome to Geelong somewhere. I am so ready for the break, I am so not going to think about all the assignments I've procrastinated on.

A question of community

I am very drained, very tired and I have a headache that's been plaguing me most of today. Tonight, Peter was sick so didn't show up to do anything w/ Young Adults so Isobelle opted for everyone chuck a question in that we wanted to discuss and we'd pull one or two out and see how it went. It worked extremely well. The first two questions interrellated and the others that followed all in some way drew back to them - excluding the few plain stupid ones. Community, suprisingly enough. Maybe it's that time where it's all drawn together with a little closure for me, I've harked on about the issue for over a year now - longer. I hope that the up coming camp ends up being very 'community' orientated, in simply the way camps do. The closeness that comes on camps is desireable but I'd like it to be continued. I discovered something curious tonight, in talking about vulnerability and community. My whole aim of last year's YITS was to discover that community type thing again - fairly sure I've talked about that. Yet my biggest issue last year was in vulnerability, it's bizarre, which reminds me, I never did share my 'mid-year' camp experience. Perhaps it was Gods roundabout way of letting me know there was more than being just a group of people that wind up together. We have to be willing to give a little in order for it work to it's best and fullest. Putting yourself on the line is no easy thing. Sometimes its as big an effort to speak up when you don't know what will come out of your mouth is even very comprehensible or worthwhile as it is to spill on some major life predicament. Trust, trust, trust. I could say if we managed to trust people we might have more faith in trusting God, but I've always found it far less of an issue in trusting God then people. It's a funny thing though, because if we are trusting God - shouldn't we then have no fear from putting ourselves out there? Ahh roundabouts for the mind aren't the best thing at this time of night. Regardless of all the nargon jargon, please could you pray that I have a really positive time away, I think it might just even mean slowing down and getting that break. I'm a bit on the upper end of burn-out with a few things, I have no motivation and have been feeling pretty drained. This Solomons stuff too, for the situation over there but also for those of us who have to sit at home and watch as something we really do have close ties to falls apart. I thought I could do the whole bystander thing, but it hits closer then that.

Entropy and aching

Audio from the Age website by Rev. Kevin Rietveld (whom we know rather well) on the riots in Honiara. Read the current article here. I bet the Honiara Hotel's burnt to the ground. In my last post forgot to mention why China Town in particular has been targeted. Again it has to do with bribery and wealthy business owners - who are often Chinese. Quite simple really. Some say it might have been intentionally planned by someone in a power position. Whatever the case, it's not good. Not many of our fellow SITAG'ers are over there at the moment, just the Ashely's - the others are out in their villages and shall be staying there for sometime I should think. The Rietvelds are there but they live far enough out, I hope that for the sake of those of us over here that Uncle Kevin (not literal uncle) will continue updating Australia. This reminds me a small way of what we dubbed Ground Zero (see photo) and the burning expats car on the way home from Emily Mudges, the day we had to get police escorted. As said, it's a different kind of violence this time. I don't know how the Aussie troops are going to help things. More like build further resentment. Honiara's burning, honiara's burning Fetch the engine, it's probably broken down Fire, fire, Riot, riot pour on water, pour on Sol Brew

When politics screw with familiarities

"The public violence yesterday shows the public’s dissatisfaction over the election of Snyder Rini as the country’s new Prime Minister."

"I can assure the people this country that my new government I will continue the programme of peace and reconciliation, economic recovery and sustain RAMSI in Solomon Islands so that the country will enjoy peace." "Honiara residents woke up this morning to find China Town in total ruins."

I have been meaning to say something about Solomon Islands politics for a while now- however the names and the process confuses me so I've steered from doing so. If I had been listening to the radio this morning I would have found out about the rioting, the destruction of China town and the newly elected Prime Minister. This from an Australian broadcast, which indicates the severity of the problems. Instead I happened to overhear my Dad talking on the phone to my Oma, who unlike me, had been listening to the radio. By this afternoon there will be more Australian troops making the three and a half hour plane trip to this pathetically screwed up, once beautiful, 'happy isle'. The election was as much of a concern before even the response kicked in. Solomon politics when it comes down to it, is nothing like Australian politics - perhaps some of the methods might be the same, but it is fraught with corruption. Bribery is a well known fact, and wantok business is abused from it's usual friendly survival means. Loyalty is first and foremost to your wantoks - your clan, your relatives. If you are in some way minutely related or have some connection with those in power, you will vote for them (if you vote at all - it is not compulsory) regardless if they will do the country no good, loose the very minimal dollars poured into the place by the Chinese government or whoever it is "willing" to offer aid. Aid that undoubtably is heavily laden with political motives. You will vote for you wantoks despite it being against advice from the Churches who have been stressing upon the public to vote against corruption. Of the three candidates up for Priministeral duties, two are known to be corrupt - one (the one just elected) was the finance minister and who knows what he's been doing with the money that's meant to be sustaining and failing the economy. The third was an unknown. None of the few men and one woman (that I know of) that could've possibly set the country back on it's axle made it so far as to even become a candidate. These are well loved, well known individuals, yet loyalties die hard and those that are illiterate (which is a significant proportion of the population) are often too afraid or unsure to vote. Oh, and - did I mention that one of the candidates (not sure if it was the guy that's been elected) is under scrutiny by the courts? Judicial systems take too much time. I did not know what to feel when I heard about China Town. I am deeply sad about the state of the country and it could be a selfish thing, but a great many memories that could've been revisited have now been destroyed. I remember many trips to China town. The Bulk store, Passions cafe, The Hot Bread Shop, QQQ (which is still standing), infact some of my earliest memories of the Solomons are of the shell shop, which did close later in China Town. This also means the outlook from the Australian war memorial will be entirely altered, the street is gone, burnt, destroyed. ... oh look, I just return to the Solomon Star website and find this:

"The result of yesterday’s election was influenced by promises of large sums of money, a former prime minister has claimed. Francis Billy Hilly told the Solomon Star some MPs were offered between $30,000 and $50,000 to cast their vote for the winning candidate."

Why is that not a surprise? It is a hard thing to stand by and watch your first country wash down the drain. The Age has an article here.

Red cars go faster

It sits in the driveway at last! No plates yet - they come by Friday, no insurance yet - still have to think about that, no finely tuned superbly running engine- still have to talk to Henry about that. BUT it joins the others in our too tight driveway and you are privilaged enough to see it though a very hastily taken photo - not from the best viewing position as Dad just restained the deck and you can't really walk anywhere along it. So shown here is what should be my pride and joy (but isn't, simply because, hey it's a car thats good but so what) maybe the novelty will grow on me... actually I know it will. So yes, it is my pride and joy. I personally think it is far cooler than Laura's even though hers is newer. Red cars go faster. Hahahha - although I don't know if this one will.

Melbourne

It seems that the city and I are becoming companions over these few days 'off'. I went in today to take photos for my Urban Landscape assignment however I made the mistake of not having much of a plan. The images are in some way meant to fit together with you chosing from one of three categories, people, architecture, abstract - that's me paraphrasingin the briefest possible sense. I wanted to do people but it wasnt too possible so I opted for the buildings/architecture one. I have come home with not much of a clue of what I actually took. Real smart Rebecca. I ended up spending most of the afternoon hanging out with Paul. We wandered into Kings Domain to see if we could find the fire that claims 'sacred ground' by some non-melbournian Aborigines. It took us a while to locate it as we came in from the wrong spot, however eventually spotted a police car and so aligned ourselves and found their base camp. I did not use my camera. We also made it up the the Shrine, which I don't think I've ever been to before so it's probably a good thing, being Victorian that I now have. I've been to many other war memorial type places in my life but never the one in the 'home' location. It was alright, not as interesting as the Canberra one, the view from the balcony over Melbourne was fairly excellent. A good afternoon, although I eternally fail to understand myself when I have those days where my thoughts refuse or do their worst to not make it into words - I can be entirely comfortable with who ever I'm spending time with, but just not be overly sociable/chatty. (Sorry Paul!) Tomorrow morning I treck inward again, to use up the next film in the Queen Vic Market - to try do the 'people' one - so I've got some kind of choice of which I want to run with. Then on to ACMI to deal with the horrible assignment based around interactive exhibtions and other hideously tedious take a million notes because you have to hand them in things. That, or I'll go to the Museum another Melbourne thing I haven't made it to yet (did go to the old one a long time ago). An early start for me, just wonder if I can possibly have the early night to match?

Intelligent Indie

Can't remember if I've mentioned them before, but at the moment some my most played (favourite) music is by The Shins. I had them on in the car when Sam was with me one time and she dubbed my music intelligent-indie which I found thoroughly humorous. I suppose if you cared to genre dub it, it would be indie-rock or something. I'm hopeless when it comes to categorizing music. Anyhoo. I really, really like the Shins. I first heard them on the Garden State sound track, traced my way to New Slang and discovered I liked the rest of it. For the record, Sam doesn't like it, Dad doesn't really like it (despite finding an odd affinity with Sixpence - also my influence), Mum and Laura don't mind it and Emily and Hannah were instantly won over and now slightly obsessed. Just today a friend of mine was surprised by the fact that I also like Relient K - how'd they miss that?! I've been listening to them for a good few years now, discovered on impulse and a joint buy with Hannah of their Two Lefts Don't Make a Right, But Three Do CD, by which we were immediately hooked and now own all of theirs collectively. "I thought you were more into accoustic stuff?" Yes, but... sometimes you need a change - to be honest RK is fairly accoustic in it's own way. I'm not into music where you cannot understand what's being said eg. screamo. I'm not a fan at all of hiphop/rap type stuff nor what I call shopping centre music, although I've been slighly persauded to not mind a few due to influences of Jess W and her incesent playing of every single genre under the sun. I travel with Jess a lot and so have to put up it. She has not yet and will not ever win me to liking Bollywood. The accoustic thing does explain a lot of my music, the more mellow stuff. Anything within and moving a bit on from the realms of Simon and Garfunkel is usually a winner.

Chocolate smooth consistency

It becomes very complicated when make a so called stand on one small thing only to find the implications of consistency are far larger than you thought. This morning I refused the easter eggs that Mum had for me. I had told her only yesterday that I didn't want any but obviously she didn't believe me or felt bad about having some for the others. She thankfully understood when I did not take them. My younger sisters however started going on about hypocracy and asked what happens when it comes to Christmas and your Birthday? If you've been reading for a while you might have noticed that certain aspects of consumerism really frustrate me. This has become only more clear while working in retail where I get Mums and Grandmas coming in, "This year we've chosen to celebrate Easter by buying books about bunnies and bilbies as they last longer than chocolate". It annoys me that people totally miss the point of Easter and treat it as another day of the year where they don't have to work and have a ripper of excuse to spend up big on frivolitries - like chocolate. Shows how effective we are in getting the truth out there. Why though, refuse eggs? I truly did not spend enough time thinking about it before I made the choice to 'not buy into it'. I originally decided to 'just not' this year because of the commerical aspect in hope that my recognition of the stupidity and waste and non-symbol aspects of the egg would be in some way acted upon. "Do you plan to continue this trend of anti-commercialism?" That's exactly what it is, commercialism. Yet the nature of the western world throws this commercialism back into our faces as it is replicated in everything, from our food to our clothes to our holidays and most clearly, our celebrations. It is very difficult to completely ignore it, to refuse it, to not go along with it, to defeat the wheat, go against the grain. I was talking to a friend about this all, he said that, "What I think you're really dealing with here is a value conflict with mainstream society." It calls into question the nature of taking a stand. Why bother? "By recognising that it's crap you've already won your battle." "And what are words without some action? "But what's the point of action if it achieves nothing further" "What about demonstrating your words?" Why should we bother to take a stand? "To what extent do you participate in things that are fundamentally meaningless in order to reach people who mean something to God?" "You don't achieve anything by making a protest other than to alienate yourself from someone who clearly doesn't know any better" "Then why does anyone ever make a stand about anything?" "You make a stand when it either compromises you... or can benefit someone else and by compromise I mean leading to sin." The question now is, in what way is refusing easter eggs, making any difference to anyone beyond supporting my own frustrations at a way the world works? Is it worth it? Will it change anything? Probably not.

Nothing deep here

Sorry in advance to do another, 'what I did today' thing. Took off shopping with Mum, Han and Sam. Went to Ikea, it wasn't very interesting this time. Their meatballs are superb though. I could eat bucketloads. Went Bridge Road Shopping, which varies from reasonable to horrendously expensive. Bought some wintery things and finally found a coat/jacket which I've been after for ages. So it was a sucessful trip, but Sam was being a grump and a zombie (and knows it) so not quite as fun as it could've been. I really do shop with intent, if I don't find what I am looking for, the whole day = flop and a waste of time. Alas I did spend more money then I intended.

Under where?

To share and record a rather funny moment: Sam ended up staying over. I'd had a shower while she took over my msn. I swapped places with her and she was stuffing around trying to find her missing underwear. So she and Laura are chatting and searching away, "I know I bought them!" and so on and so forth. Laura's like, "You should borrow some of Becs" to which my response was, "No way, thats kind of disgusting.". I'm sitting online and getting the dvd ready when I stand up. My PJ pants are halfway down my butt - which is fairly normal as I dont' really bother tying them up very tight. Laura's forever telling me to pull them up and she was about to do so again, when they both start laughing. It turns out that I grabbed hers (Sam's) which were sitting on my bed. I have a pair almost exactly the same. I appoligised profusely after doing my own share of haha's. The rest need not be told, but she'll get them back someday. I promise Sam!

Random Jaunt

To relieve a boring yesterday afternoon, Sam and I decided to find somewhere open to go so that we had something to do - a difficult task on Good Friday but we hit an immediate winner when we (well, Sam) called Sky High and they were open. So up Mt Dandenong we went. After a wander and some coffee and some photo taking (no not the one on the left) it started raining, we made the decision to continue our random jaunt, just because and picked the road up to Olinda. To our shock it was pretty much all open so we spent a good hour poking around in antique and touristy shops. We get back to the car and it is pouring, I turn the key, it is completely dead. I was extremely confident I hadn't left any lights on and so am sitting there doing the bah-humbug thing when I remember that the car (dad's) sometimes does this and you have hit the dashboard underneath. Immediate start. I congratulated myself and we got out of the not so nice parking spot sucessfully. We detoured on the way home and drove into Silvan dam. It was too wet to get out and walk to the top of the wall, but we had a brief run outside in the rain, then sat in the car and took stupid photos (one of which you can see). I invited Sam to stay over. Jess W gets onto us and asks us if we'd like to come to the Carefactor (Careforce) for their evening Good Friday service which, I quote, is, "somber" (ie: Jess' way of saying it's not as hypey as you normally think it is Bec). We had to see this rarity and wanted to catch a few of the yitsers, so Laura, Sam and I headed down at eight. Nearly hit a pedestrian ladeda, it was dark, wet and the guy was in my blind spot when I was backing out of a parking place which at the last minute turned disabled (so I was being good and actually moving), Laura was having kittens. Inside, we spotted Darryn (YITS), found a seat eventually. Iain (YITS) came in with Jess. I'm not sure exactly why I found the service so exceptional. I think I really needed something like it. It was quite beautifully God pieced (for me) a lot seemed to relate to some of what I was trying to explain yesterday. Alan Meyer was preaching on Nicodemus and at one point refered to a bit of the old song, When I Survey the Wonderous Cross, which we did sing earlier. Shock horror, hymns at Careforce :P. Anyway so I first discover where that, "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all." thing comes from, as I've used it as an avatar before, which was satisfying. I guess what I was getting at yesterday was gathered into, "How can one respond appropriately with only moderate degree of love." - this in regards to what Jesus has done. The everything, your all, you entireity is a big thing to give up and yes, I do think Jesus is the absolute most important but working out how to give that - life - up is sometimes difficult and I don't want to do the half hearted thing. Sometimes perhaps if I can't give it my best it offers less motivation to actually do so in the first place. So it was interesting in that regard. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot A story was read out about this woman who ended up with the name, Esther Easter. Inspiring story and if I could find you a copy, I would share it, but I haven't had such luck yet. For communion, they took small groups aside and someone prayed and we took it collectively. A really great way (and different from what they normally do there) to do communion. God and I had a bit of talk afterwards as it took a fair while, wrote something down of what I thought he was saying, encouraging stuff no sharing though :) I was pushed to Isaiah where 43, and particularly 55 stood out. We went and found Clacy (Michael) after church and got a massively cheerful welcome. There are certain YITS people I miss having around and was a little surprised to find that Clacy is one of them. Nothing like a bit of exhuberance. A very good evening.

Little

This afternoon I had some old photos out as I was scanning a 'favourite' and Hannah says to me, "You look more like you did back then, then you used to." This I think, is a mighty fine compliment as I was a cute kid up until about 5, then something changed :P And no you do not get photos of the 7-13 or more ages, don't even ask.

Friend of God

It is a little sad looking back on past years and a seeing a couple of ways in which this (and last) has differed. Something that I've really appreciated and have done probably about four times now in the past seven or so years is a Christian passover. I'm not going to use this space to explain what Passover is, if you are interested you know where to investigate and I'll even help you out by pointing you in the direction of another blog's explanation. The photo on the left is of the sedar platter of the Passover we celebrated back in 2001 with the Mellows and the Carters. This one particularly stands out in my mind. You'll notice (if I point it out) that the plate contains some creative versions of 'what should be there'. It's not the worlds easiest thing to locate appropriate items such as a lambs bone, as there aren't really any sheep in the Solomons and imported foods are insanely expensive. We tend to do this 'passover' thing with family friends - it somehow ends up being always that way. The Mellows and the Carters are probably the haha most prominent families in this niche in the B's lives. The 2001 time was a curious 'last-time' moment for me as we are now spread out away of where we grew up and where we 'knew' eachother. Why mention Passover now? Well the 13th on the glorified Ferret callendar in the bathroom lists this as the when. Why are you celebrating it when it's a Jewish ceremony and not a Christian one? I think it was originally introduced to us by Bob and Amy (the Carters), who've spent a goodly amount of time in the Middle East (before the Solomons). My mum has this book Celebrate the Feasts which explores the traditional Jewish celebrations in how we as Christians can incoporate them and use them to remember aspects of what Jesus has done and God's involvement. The parallels of the Passover meal to Jesus's death, ressurection and the resultant redemption of humanity are striking. It is Good Friday today. I confess I sometimes get confused about which day relates to which as the 'good' is initially vaguely misleading. I like that the 'Good' comes into the crucifixction which points directionally towards the amazing thing that Jesus has done rather than the somberity and brutality of the death. I like the fact that we (if we wear them or display them) use an empty cross. I hate the comercialism of Easter and this has really only hit me this year. I dont' want to see bunny ears or easter eggs or bilbies. I don't want to know how much people spend on chocolate or books (surprisingly they do) or how much excitement goes into easter egg hunts simply because it's 'fun'. I do like how this very Jesus thing manages to stop the western world mostly in it's tracks. An excuse for a holiday? But almost all the shops stay shut and clunk, the comercial world is frozen for a cool 24 hr block. I don't think I'm very good at 'getting in the grain' when it comes to comprehending what has been done for us. I was sitting in church this morning doing the 'yeah' thing, where I'm trying to grasp it a bit more but am finding it really difficult. I'd like to say I had this great revelation, but I didn't. I know what Jesus has done and I wish that I could often feel more awed by it. I find it really hard to understand it in the 'feeling' means. I'm not saying I haven't ever grabbed hold of it in that light before, I have, but not this time. Despite this, it was still a good time to remember what the crux (ooh theres a bit of irony) of it (life) is all about. I was reading something in Matthew the other night when Jesus sends out the twelve (Matthew 10) and I came across this verse:

"A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master." (10:24-25)

I think we sit in our churches and our homes and ask and ask to know God and I know I ask how can I love God and get a bit stuck. Being a Christian has got a fair bit to do with being 'Christ-like'. I don't exactly know why I trip over this, but to read 'it is enough' to be like him was really helpful. Perfection is a strange issue. I think I wind my mind to the point of 'how can we possibly love God' beyond simply recognising him? Doing the love thing as a Christian seems all directed at others. Really hard to explain but perhaps it's a throw back to how we have been programed to see love. Love is all about feeling. No love is not all about feeling and it's a good thing it isn't. I don't quite understand what love is but I can see how it's shown and nothing speaks more powerfully than the one who is love achieving the ultimate act of it.

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." - John 15:9-17

And if you look back to that verse I mentioned previously, about servants and masters - how much more has God done in calling us friends! Although that does render what I mentioned before slightly less impacting. What a wide expanse of opportunity, how much more God has in store for us.

Oh no, daily recountings, not again!

Unpredictable morning. I wake up and rouse Hannah too early for her liking. Discover my phone is missing and don't think too much more of it/ I am pushing various individuals to hurry up so I wont be late for my 90% probable work shift then I get a phonecall. Someone named Eddie has found my phone and was decent enough to call me. It seems it fell out of my bag or something last night outside of church. He says he's in the timber-yard (which is next door) and says come pick it up. So one minute later I've stolen Laura's car. I rock up watching the time and wander hesitantly in, "Um, is there an Eddie here, he found my phone this morning?" I get called, 'love' and get taken on a tour to go and find E who is way down the back. They were all rather nice, it was just a bit odd to be wandering around a strange place so early in the morning. Sure enough phone is now safe within my posession again. Bizarre that he found it, it would've been lying lost and lonely in the middle of a carpark. I drive back home and try the speed limit just a little. I was ten minutes late to work - but I was working so it wasn't a big waste of my time. Worked 8hrs. Had lunch with the little blister and bongos Dan (who works in the Pancake Parlour above Dymocks). Saw Adam Gaissl of all people. He's been in QLD the past few years. I did my Multimedia Cert. with him (only other one from my school) so we got to know eachother a bit. That saying I've had no contact with him for at least 2.5years, quite strange. I also saw/met the mature age student in my photography tute. She was going through her cards when I was serving her, I spotted a student card, looked up and recognised her face and asked. How random. My chin is bruised, my hip is bruised etc... Yeah like black bruise (or blue) not too big, but still visible if you look. How did you do that Bec, its a weird spot to have a bruise? My jaw is kind of sore too but thats beside the point. I can blame it all upon the game thing we somehow got coerced into last night at small group. Moving pathways, ie: everyone lies on stomach's close together and person at the end (there was about 20 of us at least) rolls over along top of them all. Hilarious stuff. Bit painful with the heavy people and laughing really hard because it was all so stupid. I landed and thumped my chin on the floor - real smart. Hence why the jaw does not quite feel normal and other odd bruising. There was of course absolutely no point to the 'activity', I think Peter was reliving his youth group days through us (yes he did have a go). So I can now state I have had full bodily contact with almost everyone there- that sounds haha so wrong, I think that's why its amusing to say. My car is now roadworthy (which of the actual test, got done for free :P). It's cost me about $180 all up to get it to that point, which is SO unbelieveably good. I shall be registering it next Friday and still have to mosey on down and get insurance from wherever I end up getting that from and probably take it to Henry to get it 'tuned up'. Oh the lovelys, its' worth about double what I paid for it! It wont be ready to take down to Torquay, but hey it's getting there. Had an extremely long chat to Jess D on the phone. It's been ages since I've caught up with her, coordinating dates (particularly from my end) always proves to be difficult so there is now part of a weekend shoved in a couple weeks down the track. Hooray! NB to self, to write more about the Holy Spirit stuff when I am less tired.

Seize the day

Oh and that's just plain weird, either Matt you got the 'theme' from my blog (but I somehow doubt it) but why'd you go and blog on waiting and time and seizing the day? Let me know if it's not okay to link to you. If you even read this. Reoccuring themes are great and frustrating at the same time. Now I just have to work out why exactly I keep getting this shoved in my face. Whether you read Matty's link or not, do yourself a favour go and read Ecclesiastes 3 and pray about it. Context please though. Context within the whole of the book and not just the surrounding passages.

Diverge, converge and a logical progression

To slightly prepare you for a disjointed blog here goes a brief outline (as I'm told all good lecturers should give) - however I'm not a a lecturer so it really serves little point. Which means I wont, and I have just sucessfully suceeded in turning you away wondering what the heck is Bec crapping on about this time? Or I have made you just a little curious. If you do not fit either of the above categories, that's fine, I think you are just another normal person that occasionally reads this overly disjointed blog. A thanks here to my regular 'readers' it's a bit strange to do so, but it does give me the motivation more to write however much I attempt to convince myself that I write for myself. So, disjointed post coming up. That's about what you need to know before you decide that 'oh no' she's going to get fixated upon one topic again and spend four fat posts on it to discover later that she's already worked it out. Sometimes I enjoy the process more than I should. Whoop-de-do it's truly fun to ramble. Firstly, I have no idea whether I am working tomorrow or not which is really not smart of me (I forgot to call) as it means goodbye to any sleepin that has a vague chance of happening. I have to be at work by 8:45am, I cannot call beforehand because simply no one will be there. I am attempting to play off what has been so for the past few weeks. In which case my trip and abuse of beautiful sleep time shall not be in vain. If not, then I hope at least to make it a productive time by finding a jacket worthy of being mine this winter. Whatever the case, Mum's on her way somewhere so I can be 'dropped off' which saves me dealing with my beloved Connex, Laura's meticulous logging of km's (if I use her car) and fighting the lightswitch in my brain which almost always wants off until at least about 11:00am. I am not a morning person. Uni was entirely bludgy today. For some reason my first tute was starting 15 minutes later than it should've which really isn't a lot except when you factor in that there is always something that affects the starting time of that particular class anyway so you can easily add another 15 minutes, which, if my maths is correct wound 'start time' half an hour later. Why I said that, and you couldn't have just worked it out I don't quite know. The fine precursor to this late tute was a decent wait with a decent coffee in the decent Corner Cafe after arriving at quite a decent time despite travelling by means not so decent. I confess I really don't mind the train that much, besides I happened to run into Melissa and so got shown photos of her wedding dress had a brief catch up before I had to get off, whereby I fell over onto one of her uni friends and had to appoligise profusely while running out the door. So the tute (yeah let me finally get to it) was on Video following the horrifically boring lecture yesterday which I did, I confess, walk out of. Had a very brief play with a camera and spent the rest of the time talking. Turns out Ben went to school with Dean Lusk and hence knows Mark (Luskie) a little. Small world. That class is full of erm, characters shall we say. As Jeremy so eloquently put it, "It's really not your day today." I am sitting in my Comparitive Imaging tute watching assignments being presented (digital images) and I realise one of mine has a really scrappy background which I totally missed seeing after my tired block of time wasting yesterday afternoon. I duck out of class and spend an outrageous $2.50 on a blank CD. I come back fix up the background, which didn't take much, and re-burn the CD. I forget to put my original image file on the disk, oops. So I contrive an explanation and decide to include both CDs. My turn to present. I put in the newly burnt expensive CD and it fails multiple times, the Computer chokes up and refuses all my pleas (by means of pounding the eject key - Macs). It finally relinquishes the stupid thing and I grab it as it spits it out, just before it swallows the glorifed cupholder very unnaturally again. Tutor says he'll look at my work (or is it art?) afterwards as it was working three seconds ago on my computer. That gets all sorted. I end up submitting the old cd (with the stuffed background) but make sure he has seen the good version. His suggestion to submit the old one, he makes a note of it. I am satisfied. It still means I wasted $2.50 but it does mean I don't have to somehow make it in to the D before Friday. This afternoon (hey maybe this is not such a disjointed blog afterall!) I made my way into Fitzroy to visit the Centre of Contempory Photography. A HUGE thanks here to Burkie for directions. It was easy btw. Funny place to have it though, sort of on a back, well side street. It was quite interesting. I quickly skipped to the exhibition I wanted to review (yeah it was a homework thing in place of my still images class). This particular one was called In Cold Light. I spent some time there taking it all in. Admiring some, truly not 'getting' the two dvd things - Why am I in interactive media?! Tell me now! And scrawling notes in the back of a notebook. I had a brief look at the Thank You Friends gallery which was really not that good. Then came back to the start and had a look at White Collar Undone which I bypassed the first time. I was observing for a little while and then I got truly disturbed at the not so subtle message through the work. No I'm not explaining it! Go to Fitzroy! (For those who can't, go to the website and work it out yourself). I am still going to review In Cold Light and I somehow missed seeing the Industry of Working which has me a tad disappointed, I don't know how, it's not really that big a place. This evening (woah is this logical progression?!) was young adults thingo. We've been talking about the Holy Spirit. Peter spent this week going through the Biblical talk about the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and the 'Holy Spirit came upon ___'. Some interesting discussion, it's not the worlds easiest thing for us to grasp and I need to I think work through some of the stuff in my own time. Some valid questions raised and some not so valid. Ie. mine. Actually it was valid but I was playing a bit of the devils advocate (are you allowed to do that in a church!) We had gotten onto the subject of tongues - inevitably. I asked and I loosely paraphrase, "You are talking about tongues (personal prayer life) as being edifying, if it isn't intellectualising it too much, how does it edify? Particularly when you don't really know what you are saying?" I admit that this perspective comes from my overly thought tuned brain and my incessant need to understand, and although I have worked through much of this before he said something interesting. I did sort of know the answer, but he used the word "control" in relation to thought. The word control always flicks on a few warning lights for me as it is an area I do battle with fairly regularly. Interesting. I am truly grateful for what God has done in putting me at Vineyard (church). I was so entirely ready to quit and try elsewhere and I had several people encourage me to 'hang on for a few more weeks'. It's such a fantastic, unique group of people. It's so amazingly good to be where there are likemindeds (if I can steal your phrase Paul). Church is pretty good as a whole, but it helps so much more to have that group travelling, or beginning to, alongside you. Quality rings loud. I am so glad I was convinced to give it a last shot. Thank you also here to those who prayed for 'all that church crap'. I am still fairly cynical about many things at Church but that's not going to change regardless of where I am and until I work through a bit more. It's good to keep a healthy questioning mind even in the most comfortable of situations. Continued prayer for well, I guess not letting my mind so entirely bash everything up that I forget to take away from it would be good as it can be an issue. Oh and this is where I briefly diverge from the doings of the day? As a throwback to my blahhing on about praying for your future spouse, check this post out. My that was fun writing all this. Lets do it again some time!

Chick fix

I think we all have our peculiarities. This is one of mine. Sabrina (the Harrison Ford one) is one of my absolute favourite chick flicks probably second only to such things as Little Women and Pride and Prejudice. I'm not sure exactly why, as I can't/shouldn't really relate too much to Sabrina, ha, half the Characters in this movie do not have their heads screwed on straight, half are frustrating and half are depressed because they cannot get or don't know what they want. I like to think I'm at least a little more sensible. It does use beautiful language, has a coy interuption of humor at the odd moment and plays with a couple of things close to me. The movie, despite the reputation for chick-flicks being shallow entertainment, says a lot about loneliness, a lot about being stuck and a lot about which things are really important. Perhaps this is why it appeals?

Forgiveness

An interesting thing on the radio tonight. Jess had talk-back on in the car and there was this girl talking about a rape and convictions of the guys who were involved and the announcer asks her if she's forgiven them. Where does forgiveness fit in the secular, what meaning can it possibly have? Sure we teach little kids to say sorry regardless of religion, it's polite, it's the right thing to do. But for what we count as the big stuff like rape, like murder. Why should you - if you are not a Christian or of another religion that finds it important, forgive? What benefit does it have to you? Is it a feel good? If so, then why don't people think about why? Who does it help? Is it simply a courtesy extended to the other human being? It makes absoultely no sense.