Theories

Why the blogs are dry at the moment: THEORY ONE Person: When I had people to talk to, I had no use for the blog, I couldn't be bothered. Bec: I had lots of people to talk to and still blogged. Bec: It's almost as if God is in someway trying to shove me into 'experience' rather than thought Person: Oo well why dont you blog about your experiences? Bec: No just generally. I do blog about experiences Bec:I dont know, is this a 'learn to feel' properly time? WHO KNOWS!!!! *sniggers at lameness* ...more to come, someday?

Another Monday

It's another monday (at uni) and I'm sitting in the brand spanking new internet cafe "Caffeine" - I probably shouldn't be here as I haven't actually bought anything. Far many more computers than the Corner Cafe, and architecturally/aesthetically pleasing. Gosh Coffee in Box Hill was the fortunate business to get my patronage today. Buying one coffee is more than enough. I'm justifying sitting here by knowing Jen is two computers down from me and she bought a hot chocolate from them... and look, she's playing FreeCell. Such the appeal of actually working! There are certain things I really like about uni. Despite not being a very good morning person my body clock rights itself a few weeks in, which means I'm definitely getting there now. I can handle the waking up early quite well. I love being around our house when I'm the only one awake. I like any morning sun that gets through, the look of fog and other early beautiful things. I really like the drive down the station (except if the car decides to stall) and the time you get to think/pray or just be. There are those days where I can get the same train as Geoff (what a delightful coincidence!) which makes the whole public transport thing thoroughly enjoyable. I mentioned Gosh coffee before... despite being perfectly situated - you can't escape the aroma, and are of course thoroughly tempted, the two ladies who work there (well, the one that serves) is exceptionally cheerful. So once I reach the cold wait for the bus; I've spent time with Geoff, have a coffee in hand and been served by someone who's brilliant attitude has further rubbed off on me, the sparse but what I think is beautiful view from the bus terminal over the roofs to look at and masses of birds. It all adds up to a very content feeling, which makes the bus trip enjoyable, usually funny and simply nicer in seeing those 'regular' faces. So as a total change of tune, I've been sitting here for a good hour on a stool (doing wonders for my back) as the Studio area has some renovations going on above and beside us and they've been drilling holes in the roof and other such nuisances all morning. By about September, it will be the largest motion capture studio in Australia apparently! Here however is no quieter. I have a headache from the constant chatter and the music I'm using to drown it out, my eyes are sore. I'm a bit stuck for concentration and have thus given up on attempting homework. Productive studio session. Discussion around Open Day stuff - "Glimpse Your Future" (what a tacky name). Which means I have to come into uni on Sunday - hooray! Ah well. I don't know how organised we are as a whole, I certainly have done my bit. Picked the 'later' shift, that way I can hopefully get church in beforehand. Next is a tute for Systems. Bring on D Morisson's 'game' (one every tute) and hopefully he'll have some idea of what he's talking about this week. I do apologise (to myself mostly) for the very big lack of posts with any real substance lately. I keep intending to, as there have been a few things I've been thinking about. The words will not come and the thoughts are refusing to complete themselves, which means my head has felt remarkably empty of late, this disturbs me. Until that rights itself, you'll have to be content with posts like this (the daily borings) or nothing. Then of course, I could always torture your interest with some BlogThings.

Two eyes Part 1

Well, by Thursday I should be one step closer to my eyes being 'de-framed'. Optometrist finally got back to me! 10am on the 3rd, I get to and try out all the different kinds (contacts) they ordered in for me. How exciting!

Woops I did it again

I've just done a very silly thing. Geoffrey (and I guess I can call him that because I'm pretending to be annoyed at him) managed to get me to 'fill-in' as Laura couldn't make it to youth (leading) tonight. I had a little too much fun and I've gotten the old itch of really liking being where I can serve people in that way. Yes I technically do already youth lead over on Gush, but this is a little more people tangible. Slightly younger kids too, which reminded me very much of ESA junior camp - without the hanging off my arm and ridiculous chanting songs. Needless to say (but I like that phrase so I'll use it anyway). I can sort of guess what's going to happen to my Friday nights. ...someone asked me if I was married :S I don't look that old do I!

Well rounded day

Dora Marr, supposedly inspired Pablo Picasso intellectually, artistically and I dare say emotionally. It would have to be a pretty powerful thing to have those behind you. Fairly honoring to be in that position for a start. But then - they as two artists, they would've fed quite regularly off eachother. The interaction is interesting. I can't help but wonder if it was shared emotion, if he was so close to her that it got utterly poured into (particularly) Picasso's artwork. It's all so dramatically depressing. I genuinely like his work and can appreciate it, despite it being quite strange, but do I find exceptionally dark. As you may or may not have picked up - especially if you didn't know it was on, I visited Picasso: Love & War at the NGV this afternoon. It was worth a look, maybe not quite what I anticipated and it didn't give me quite the same thrill as when seeing Rembrants, but I can claim satisfaction in having experienced a genuine Picasso and have definitely lit (and perhaps burnt out) that small woodpile of curiousity about the whole thing. Why the city on a friday? Well, I did first make the trip into to uni for my one hour lecture (WWW) and then stopped by the Hawthorn'ish area to have lunch with Geoff, which was rather good! I could definitely justify the 'afternoon' out. The train was highly entertaining today. I don't think I've ever had a better run of 'the funny stuff'. I got to the station early after heading up to fill up my front tyre with some air, so I jumped on the 8:3something instead of the 8:53. It left late due to some trouble with the doors. A few stations down the line the driver's voice comes over the P.A. "Passengers, we're still having some trouble with the doors so if you can try closing them again and giving them a kick then we might get going!" His colloquial tone and words were beautifully human. You sometimes forget that they're having, 'just another day on the job'. Trains don't drive themselves. Whatever kicking the passengers did do, it worked. Had to change later on due to the same problem, but it was worth it. On the way into the city. Sitting behind me was a classical voice music student (guy) and a 40yr'ish, older guy who had obviously just started talking to him 'because' he was within proximity. The conversation was loud and I found it incredibally funny, to the point where I was laughing as silently as I could and not just doing the whole 'grin my face off' thing. The student was listening to the musical soundtrack of Rent (something Jess W has talked about a lot recently) and let the other guy have a listen. It hit the point of where he made the descision to go out and buy it, but couldn't get his head around what the piece was called. "Oh wow, this is great music, I really like it!". The conversation extrapolated wildly from there on and at one point the older guy got quite excited, "Maybe you could join my brother and I, we're thinking of starting a band, you could do back-up vocals...". Middle aged pipe dreams? I have no idea how the student was finding it as I couldn't see either of their faces, but he was quite amiable and he played along with a cool, "Maybe." I think he really baulked when the older guy asked about singing excercises. The student mentioned the larynx and moving it up and down and then after a little longer, "Uh, I'm not really a teacher". They talked about the future and how musical theatre was on the cards and how difficult it was to get in. The student was encouraged in his pursuit of what he wanted to do, "If it's really in your heart" but the guy suggested quite unhelpfully that perhaps he'd better seek more stable means. He meant well. The whole thing was gold! So. A very peaceful in many ways kind of day. Thoroughly enjoyable. A bit of learning, a bit of humor, a bit of being with someone I rather like being with, a bit of culture and a lot of taking the whole thing at my own pace. Can't top that very well, although maybe a sleep-in would've been nice...

An elephant of an ideal

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit. "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way." — A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh Not what you expect. An interesting comment really. Life throws some curious curveballs. I do like to have things mapped out. "This is how it'll happen, how I'll do things". It's a bit disconcerting when something does happen that is 'anti' your plan. Or not quite perfect in the way you've envisaged it. When you realise that you've picked the slightly less you-conventional route and work out a little later that you have, it tends to send the fire-engine of doubt screaming your way. No matter that the thing is still good, and perfectly okay really. A bit like the elephant in the picture really... now I'm the one on the top moving perhaps towards the same goal but just from a very different perspective (in the mammal's case - backwards and higher up) instead of plodding along. I don't know yet if it's nicer from 'the top', it's different, maybe it's not my ideal, but it's still good. Many, many questions about how this will all play out but thankfully God is good enough to me to throw the odd reminder now and then that he is well and truly in control.

Flipsides

I'm not quite sure how to write about last night justly. Young adults was very interesting. Jess H led it by running through a heap of... I guess you might call them maxims/principles re: the Christian life. Dualism > Holiness, Self Governed > Spirit Governed... I can't say I fully agreed with everything shared (whether that's just due to insufficient thrashing of each out - there was a lot to cover) and my 'filter' was running full steam with many 'Yes, but's'. She did however do a very good job with what she had. I have much to think about and more to explore in depth. Three big cheers for this, I love it when I get something to take away. Macca's afterwards. The typical crew hung around later, Geoff, Tim O, Laura, Analise and myself. After the quiz and other random moments that had me laughing pretty hard (and I wont explain or it'd embarass Tim and make me look like an immature kid for laughing at fart related, bench seat vibration things). Conversation took a smooth turn. Tim, Geoff, I and Laura (a bit) had a beautifully, intense, a little firey/confronting, deep conversation around erm... the ways of communicating things, open dialogue, love God - love your neighbor, community (wow too much was covered... I can't even remember it all!). The kind of brilliant passionate conversation/debate/challenge that in participating in, makes me feel utterly alive. If there's one thing that gets me really excited and feeling like an evening has been spent in absolute best way possible is to have a conversation of that sort. Yeah, I really can't do the time justice.

A better country

Hebrews 11-13 I'll be selfish, this one is really here just for me as a reminder.

Uni and the markup language

Well, hello from uni. I'm in the Studio killing time until my next class - that being "Foundations of Design", a new subject which I apparently missed the first class pf (which I thought wasn't on last week as it's only a tute/workshop). This morning held both the lecture and the tute for WWW and the Internet. I sat in the lecture and watched Huw draw a rather good characture of the lecturer - that's about as interesting as it got. Turns out Chris Memory (was at my school the year down from me) is in that class, gave him a wave. The tute was alright. I don't know if I'm an immediate fan of how the whole thing proceeded - the tutor is a little hard to understand accentwise, but I'll get there, and a lot of it seems like, "Open up DSO and work through the prac given". So I survived some exceptionally basic HTML excercise - the girl beside me cried because she couldn't get it :S A vague intro to some java and php. Not that I really have worked out or can remember any of the latter two. The idea of the tute was obviously the 'simple' stuff - so I got of of there about an hour early after Justin came over with a cheery hello and a 'have you decided what you're doing for your system's assignment yet' in his typical fashion. No. I went and bought the text book for WWW straight away as I should've had it there. Goodbye $117 or so. Thrilling! Had a brief look at the 'optional' other two for Systems. They looked horrendously boring and ridiculously expensive so I passed. It's the Library or buy when absolutely necessary. They shouldn't make textbooks so expensive. *The programming text book is pink **I found another BIM student who come from out my way. Caught the train back with him (Matt) He has the most unusually square jaw I have ever seen in my life!

Sensation Gatherer

I've been reading the book, Mass Culture: Eucharist and Mission in a post-modern world (edited by Peter Ward) for a few weeks now. I'm still only halfway through and the bottom corners are going to be pretty stuffed by the end of it. (Top corner fold for marks my place, bottom corner for marking something interesting like a quote). The book is a collection of 'article'/chapters around the themes of Communion and Mission and Postmodernism (oddly enough) and how they interrelate, written by a variety of leaders from a variety of denominations. It's facinating, pretty pleasing and enlightening stuff. A couple of the points I've picked out so far (pretty much from one particular chapter) as worth exploring more or just simply interesting (here's where I flick to the first lower corner fold and try find on the page what I found interesting)....

"Another element of post-modernism invites its audience to 'enjoy the surface' of life's experiences because there is nothing beneath the surface. In other words, nothing is sacramental, nothing points beyond itself to anything else. Each experience is what it is or does ot you, there is nothing beyond. From this perspective the eucharist may give a sense of awe or of ancient community, but it can never be more than a sense, a vibe. Any such experience is understood as a feeling to be fleetingly enjoyed, it could never be more. So from this perspective, while the eucharist gives you a buzz, go for it. When it doesn't and the 'been there, done that, so this place as no more ot offer' feeling comes over you, then move on to something stranger.... Life is understood as a perpetual present, or rather a series of perpetual presents - a perpetual sequence of living for the moment. From this point of view, 'the goal of life' is 'an endless pursuit of new experiences, values and vocabularies'." (p.77) "Worship can have the power to convert or (and alas, this is more frequent) to repel. It is not just that the conduct of worship can be amazingly incompeteten; it is that people have a very real sense of whether what is being offered is the genuine article or not." -David Stancliffe (quoted p.82) "Alan Kreider has pointed out that the significance of worship for the mission of the early church was not that it was attractive to outsiders, but that it helped to shape Christlike lives in the world, and these lives were profoundly attractive: Worship, to which pagans were denied admission, was all important in the spread of the Church. It was important not because it was attractive, but because of it's rites and practices... made differences in the lives and communities of the worshippers. It performed the function of re-forming those pagans who joined the Church into Christians, into distinctive people who lived in a way that was recognisably in the tradition of Jesus.... (p.86) "'Seeker-friendly' worship is important, but it must be authentic Christian worship. First, and above all, worship is for God (Eph 5:19-20)... If either edification or evangelism usurp the God-directed focus of worship it ceases to be Christian worship..." "There is the danger that post-modern people seek experience for its own sake, that they become not more then sensation gatherers, but an experienceless Christianity is not New Testament Christianity and will never commend the faith. Churchmaship may high or low; the worship may be liturgical or more spontaneous, the focus may be on the word or the Spirit, but there is no substitute for encountering the presence of the living God. Once again, an over emphasis on accessibility my be unwise: "Chrisitianity's talent for shooting itself in the foot is nowhere better displayed than its recent drive to demystify itself. Afterall, who goes into a church to get reasonable? Mystery is precisely what used to draw the crowds; no wonder gates are down." "...An event in which the kingdom of God is actually present is a far cry from a constructivist view, for constructivism changes nothing beyond the mindset of the constructor. In Iain Bank's novel "A Song of Stone", his main character says: "All is construction in the end... But we are the naming beast, the animal that thinks with language, an all above is called what we choose, for lack of better terms, and everything we name means - as far as we are concerned - just waht we want it conote. There is a reciprocity o finsult for out name-calling here; for our fine defining words tame nothing in the end, and show we ever fall victim to th unseen grammar of life, we must brave the elements and suffer their indifference, fully requited in return." The eucharist, though offers a positive alternative to the 'naming beast', one in which eternal reality bites back. We are indeed 'naming' creatures (Gen 2:19), but our authority to name comes with a responsible relationship with God as his stewards. The eucharist offers an encounter with this living God..."

There is potentially too much right there to pick at something specific (if you would like me to poke around with one of them a bit more, I can do that - just let me know which). No promises either, who knows what tomorrow will bring ;) I think it's probably been most interesting looking at the influences of post-modernity in my own life and how I treat different situations that arise, how I respond to things, what I go out of my way to do or 'experience'. It's fairly confronting in the way I often approach God. I do hope I've moved a bit beyond the 'live for the experiences' (sadly that in a way, that is or used to how I treat some of life). We can't do the immature dismissal of God by believing our doubts when we cannot see him working, when we cannot hear him, cannot 'find' him. God exists despite our experiences or conceptions. But oh, it's easy to get frustrated! There is a great beauty and life in encountering our maker. It's a richer and fuller comprehension of something if we can feel 'part of it', but the experience does not mean it ceases to exist after that point or didn't exist before we got there. Communion/Eucharist in itself is a brilliant way to encounter the grace of God in past, future and present - and no I haven't ultimately worked out how I'd describe how exactly God is in communion, or whether it's simply symbolic (which In some ways I think lessens it hohum - straying into controversial ground...) I am pleased that communion is something I get to participate in, to 'experience' and to meet God in. I love it that we've made an effort in young adults to do this together. To be really comfortable in my postmodernism, I have no problem saying that there is definitely something about those moments, there usually is! But we shouldn't take up the position of not 'having communion' - just because we don't feel like it, or feel it. And there I'll cease forcing my scattered thoughts on to you. Well done if you've read this far. Anyone care to borrow the book?

Busy

Interesting how your life takes a turn now and then, and you suddenly have every day full and far less time to get caught in old habits. I do like to take time out to think and to read, but when it comes down to it if the social option is there (well, okay it does depend on the people) then I'd far rather take that. Life has become significantly more busy the past week. I think I quite like it! It's probably about time to start rethinking my sleeping patterns now that uni demands an earlier start than the 10:30-11am sleep-in's I was taking advantage of during the holidays. A rude shock to have to contend with the alarm at 6:00 or at 7:40ish but if it means I start making a point of getting to bed earlier it's got to be good for me. The 2am'ers which I pull off far more frequently than I admit (Hi Mum I know you're reading this) have some advantages but when you spend the following day continually yawning and just a little dependant upon getting that dose of caffine... well! A very social kind of weekend. I did manage to slot in some extra sleep on Saturday morning. After a lot of stuffing round, I managed to catch Tim O for coffee at Morrisons as he wanted to chat to me about something. My that boy can talk! Hannah chastised me for not going to help Geoff move by being the, 'good little girlfriend'. I honestly think I would've just gotten in the way. Sadly I don't think I'm truly all that helpful when it comes to moving things like fridges. I hope I made up for that today :P Home for a few hours (oh dear, this is becoming another 'what Bec did post') then off to Tim's house (the same one) for dinner, with Kat, Mick and Geoff. I beat Tim home from somewhere, and so got to meet his mum/dad and a friend of theirs. Always interesting. Geoff got there and we (or I) made a mess making salad and pasta etc. Sat around with our BBQ dinner, inside and watched some of the Live8 Dvd - which I never got to see. Talked, etc. The whole intention of the evening, or the social activity by which to structure everything else around was Superman Returns. It didn't start until 9:15ish. Good movie. Longish and I have a sore back to pay for that, (partly the way I was sitting haha), but highly enjoyable! Some fantastic oneliners in there. Church this morning was a really odd mix of things - one of the 'cafe' mornings. Two video segments, and Ruth spoke. She was great. The videos - well, that's another story. I don't think I quite approve. In trying to be relevant - lets say... erm no, it didn't quite work. The idea behind the thing was alright. I really didn't get much out of it - if anything. Susannah's for pizza afterwards with a good crew. I mentioned my back, and Tim (being Mr. Outdoor Ed) told me to stretch a certain way. Ah the pain! Managed to scab a bit of a massage from it all. They put on Spiderman. I left a bit after Geoff did to go help him, Sam and Steve clean some of the house. Quite an odd thing to be helping out there really, some very funny moments including a serenade by Sam, Steve, Tom and Josh to me while I was cleaning a wall. I don't think I've ever vaccumed a carpet quite so - disgusting dirty. Anne and Ron came by (Geoff's parents). And I managed to work out that my mum's been feeding the 'food's I don't like' information (some of which isn't true) her way. I do like pasta! Open invite to their place. All very nice :P Coffee with Geoff after that at the only place open on a Sunday afternoon out this way. Macca's. And hence concludes yesterday and today. Some new experiences and highly enjoyable ones at that.

Boring

Three cheers for uni! My slides were found (along with everyone elses) and wound their way into the Arts Collection point, where I did just that. They are now in my posession. I need now to find an afternoon, a spare scanner and template and get them digitized. They also finalised my mark for Comparitive Imaging. I got a D(isinction), strangely enough my lowest mark (score-wise) and I thought it'd be my best subject - ah well there you go. Unfortunate timing bus-wise on Fridays (and a pity because it's going to keep up). Finish at 11am and get home around 1pm, due to time delays between finishing class, busses and trains etc. *yawn* Nothing deep and meaningful coming from my end at all tonight, far too stuffed. Helped Elyce celebrate her 19th. Had nothing short of a banquet. Not too big a party so it was quite nice. Then some Survivor type games including fire building to burn through a string and the speedy consumption of food. Josie, Matt (Jo's boy :P) and I failed to win, despite having lead the entire way through. The other group had four. Of yits'ers it was only Sam, Jo, Elle and Myself. Excellent evening, I feel far too full. Pavlova is superb and I didn't even have that big a piece! Windscreen frozen over this morning, Dad hosed it once for me, but it froze again - second time it worked (when I was around to actually start the car). I skipped breakfast, a good thing as I nearly missed my train. The car stalled 5 times on the way to the station. Not impressed. I drive an automatic! It's only a 10 minute trip. Steering sounded shocking tonight after being parked on a very steep angle at Elyces and the battery light was smiling glumly away at me. Oh the joys. Sleep I want sleep!

Falling, tripping or just jumping off the cliff

"We would rather die than not be able to choose our spouse, yet we would rather divorce that same spouse than choose to love them. We want the option to choose without the responsibility to choose." (when it comes to love I'm pro-choice)

Mum said, mentioned or questioned something interesting tonight. The phrase 'Fall in Love'. Why is it fall? The general thing you think of when you think about falling is the none too pleasant landing at the end of it. I've experienced this personally many times in my life, from the dramatic slide off a horse (on a stupid trial ride) - where I was totally unconcious (literally) to the landing only to hurt for weeks after, to the odd ending up on the floor after having been in bed - surprise, hurt and no more comfortable mattress, to tripping on the gravel in primary school - okay some blood in this one. None of the above situations were overly pleasant and I dare say those that you can recall ended roughly the same. I like the fact that love is a good bit about responsibility, it means it's not all passive and wishy washy. I wouldn't want that for anyone. Effort means you are going out of your way for something - which throws 'self' out of the window, at least for a while. It's such a good expression of what love is! Alternatively the 'Fall' part of "Fall in Love" could simply refer to the clumsy nature of the whole business, the uncharted, unplanned aspect of the whole deal. Perhaps we should just "Trip in Love"? It's more applicable.

"When falling in love, we seem to float on air." - Diogenes Allen quoted in this exceptional article

Does anyone else find this exceedingly ironic? I am not condemning infatuation, or anything of the like. In some ways it has it's place. It just looks like the footing isn't too stable. Can we just recoin the whole deal to "Fall in-fatuation"? Spare time? Check out some of the other interesting articles over at TrueU if you can get past the slightly cringey name.

Have a look at

If you have keen eyes and aren't fixated on your beloved RSS reader you'll notice that I've added a new link into Other Blogs this means: you get to go find out a little bit more about my friend Tim (this is IT Tim, Timmit or Tim P). So far it's been pretty interesting. And to save Scott wondering: this is another Vineyardian blogger. :P Timodial there... that's a sufficient plug methinks.

Real study

More 'daily happenings' for you to read, but as some of you like that... some time soon I'll find the time to explore a few things I've been thinking about lately. As a reminder to myself about what these will be:

• Gratitude, not sure how I can forget this one as it keeps appearing all over the place!
• Frustration
• Stuff that came up on the Baxter Kruger evening (maybe)

So. I did somewhat explain half of yesterday. The other end of it was spent in the city with Jas, Paul and Samantha. I had great fun. The others hadn't had lunch so Paul directed us all to a very cheap (but good! I know because I picked bits off their plates) popular Chinese place in the Port Phillip Arcade. We then went to Word bookstore. On the way out Jas noticed a sign sitting at the counter,

"Don't have time to read your bible? Get a verse a day sent to you on your mobile..."

Collective, "Ah no's!" and as that kind of thing sets me on bordered outrage and I was relatively verbal about how terrible and pathetic it was. It's something I do on the odd occasion and have to be careful as I've been known to mention how the food isn't that great in the presence of waiters. As Sam put it, "She was only saying what we all were thinking". Paul had a right old go at me for it later on and did the whole, "I can't belive you did that!" business. Well, hello Paul - welcome to Rebecca, I sometimes-frequently do speak my mind like that. Interesting how it always happens so dramatically in Christian bookshops? The attitude of the signage was shocking, completely disgraceful. Getting a verse a day is not specifically wrong, but advocating not having time to read the Bible by supplementing it with one verse is hardly a standard anyone should bother to uphold! And the fact that it's being advertised as such, well! A brief visit to St. Pauls Cathedral, then I made them come with me to Starbucks because I like it there. Sat and chatted for ages. Very funny all up and very enjoyable. It's been really good to spend more time in person with Paul if you ask me, seeing as I mostly just know him online and in a 'meeting' environment. Sam I always like spending time with! And it was great to see Jas again before he headed back. We then wandered up to the Old Melbourne Gaol. I was kicking myself I didn't have my camera with me. Not worth paying to go inside otherwise ;) We didn't go in, although I would very much like to one day as it's something I've never done. Paul pointed out an advertisment: Real Life, Real Values, Real Something Else. And commented on how, "Well, society obviously can't trust those things to be authentic/true/valid anymore." Very interesting. I might go back and get a photo next time, if it's still there. It reminded me a bit of the huge 'Want Everything' advertisement which is also in the city. Sam and I got the train back. This morning's one lecture was for this semester's elective. WWW and the Internet which I chose back at the start of the year. A change from taking photography subjects but wow am I impressed. After the brief one hour, I'm getting the idea that perhaps I'll actually learn something new by doing this! Much excitement as my biggest gripe with my course so far has been the 'lack of' discovering anything incredibally new. Yes, I did learn a lot about analogue photography last semester, but to be honest it wasn't the worlds most interesting class - it did have good assignments. This class/lecture/tute etc. looks pretty decent. It is in a rather massive lecture hall for only 40/50 people. Everyone spread out apart from everyone else doing the loner thing. Justin came in late, so he's there, as are Joe and Riley. Huw is meant to be in the subject too - so a few familiar faces which was nice! Lecturer seemed organised and had pretty specific objectives. Whoopdedoo! (and I'm not being sarcastic). Good things, good things. Home before 11:30 due to some immaculate bus timing! Not bad for a 'day at uni'.

Round Two

Well Uni's had two days to start back so I'd perhaps better mention it. No tutes running this week! If I'm allowed to whinge one last time, I have a lecture first up every single morning (Mon-Weds and Friday) which means no extra days off this week. Oh well! I do quite like being back. So Monday held Studio, which goes for 3 hours or so. It's the Interactive Media (course I'm doing) exclusive subject thing. We have our own room - which I've raved about before somewhere. The fact that you can get free coffee and spend time playing with wind up McDonalds cars, if you so desire... Adrian the 'tutor' for Studio is fantastic. Great sense of humor if not a little strange at times. Due to there being two classes, we had a bit of a different mix of people. I was quite happy to see Ben, Kim and Jen there - looks like Huw isn't it that one, ah well.. It's probably the crew I got along best with. But the new (to me ones) are great. The girls outnumber the guys! Six of us to five of them. There are seven girls all up in my actual course and a lot more guys than that. Probably a more fun group to go through this half of the year with. So we get, Richard, Jen (another), Amy, Peter (?), Tim, Victoria and Aydan. Adrian made us do work. Finally! We are involved in getting something together for open day which means we have to get down to it. It also means a Deakin hoodie might come my way. I'm up for freebies anytime! Tuesday (so this morning) a new subject, but run by Penelope who I had for Principles of Interactive. Media, and she's great! This subject is basically the next in line: Design of Interactive Media Systems (ie: production and pulling things together how to's etc). A new location, much smaller room which suits. I had a vague idea of the whereabouts. It was good that I ran into Tim and his cheery goodmorning on the way in, so we found it together. The lecture itself was very 'introductory' ie: "Be good first years and keep organised". But the subject should far exceed the basics of the last one by the look of it. I like pulling everything together so it's right up my alley! Muchly enjoying it all so far. It's good to be back. I don't mind the public transport thing (now that Jess and I can't carpool due to vastly different timetables) There's some good company ;) and if not, the humors of those that choose to ride Connex, oh, and a few odd hundred school kids when there aren't any of those (It's not every day the primary school goes to IMAX).

Steak

HAHAHAHA What a funny evening. As I type, Paul is giving Geoff a good grilling (hence the tacky picture). And they wont let me in on it!!!

The Office

Saturday (because I didn't get around to writing anything) held out the long awaited - by some: 'The Office Party' with Jess W as host and the mastermind behind the all day fest. The Office is a BBC Comedy (The UK version I hear is the only one worth watching). Which if you are entirely interested, can find more about here. So a 12pm start dragged all the way through to 11:30ish. I say dragged, but it was quite fun - although I don't really want to see any more of the show for a good few years. Two whole seasons worth and two longer Christmas Specials. The aim of the day, despite being social (yits and young adults and other crew there) was to raise money for TEAR Australia. I'm not sure how much was made in the end, but a goodly amount. There was a lot of food - including some rather good brownies, if I can say so myself, that I made to prove a point. Good thing they did turn out - saved my face. It's a sorry thing when you get a reputation for not being able to cook when you've make a few mistakes in the past. We also played some game to do with TEAR stuff. Jessmyn and I had a miserable run of it. Dad used to run a slightly similar game (in principle) when we did the 'missionary' travel around and visit churches thing. Ugh. It was quite a brilliant day, if only for all the people there. Jess did a marvellous job hosting it all.

Concrete Girl

My thanks in some ways to Hannah for this piece of artwork. This kind of thing (content-wise) strikes a pretty hard chord in me, to the point of where if I'm being really honest, made me cry. I got innocently asked tonight what my 'dream' camera would be. Something I haven't thought about. I don't do that very much. Dream beyond the realistic box. Being grounded too far into reality isn't always the healthiest places to be, but it's familar so of course it's safer.

From the West

Yesterday is definitely worth a mention. You can read some of it here. I picked up Paul, Paul2 and Jas from Ringwood. And had a crap day at driving I tell you - what must they think! My car was struggling a bit with having a lot more weight than just me (and okay, my parking was terrible). We then went and had a meeting/chat with Rowan. Which I found quite interesting. I tried to get the others to make me a gush admin but it obviously wasn't my day. Then to Starbucks - which both the Paul's had never been to before! I was very amused that Paul2 had never even come across lids on paper coffee cups before. But then, what can you do?! He's from Western Australia. Back to my place. Sam and Reinhard came down and we all had dinner. Mum coped remarkably well with the huge influx of people. I'll be seeing Jas on Sunday - as he's coming along to Vineyard so that'll be good, before he heads back. Paul will make it there one day and Paul2 I doubt will ever make it that far out 'east' again - at least this year. Good company. Reasonable food. I do it any time!

Results

Whoop-de-doo! Here's to a good first semester of uni results 2 High Distinctions (and one being for the subject I thought would be worst), 1 Distinction and one Result "Not Yet Finalised" (which is the Subject I am least worried about anyway). Not that I was really worried at all. Golly I should be ashamed. I really didn't put in that much work.

Reactions

There have been some quite classic reactions to THIS NEWS. To be honest about how I am, having decided to leap off the edge of the diving board into the complete unknown, it (reactions) was something I was more than a little worried about. If you don't already know me well, or even just a little you'll probably know that I don't too often talk about a) what I'm feeling (of course this is much of a mystery to me at times) b) boys - unless it is in the arms distance position of questioning/critiquing/analysing and forming opinions around relationships and how they should work. If you read back, I've written extensive and many blog posts about relationships/singleness etc. When it gets personal like that I usually run. I've avoided truth and dare games all my life up until very recently - to the point of refusing without much shame to not participate and so being the household 'party pooper'. I have also been in the curious position many many times of being asked a plethora of relationship advice questions from numerous friends/gushers. I never quite understood why they'd go to the clueless, never had a boyfriend before 20yr old (let alone verbally profressed interest in anyone before!). Would someone care to explain that! As to knowing the stuff: I hope that I've somehow gleaned a little advice from playing psuedo counsellor. I can read as widely as I like (and have, sort-of), but am all together certain I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL about how this all works in reality. And although it's all rather *insert very happy face here* it's massively daunting. But God has been fairly evident in everything so far and so I guess that's a good place to start if not the best. Whatever I've said, this kind of thing is not a descison I'd made lightly at all and it's been a hugely stressful past week regarding everything. I did manage somewhere in there to work out that Geoff is the kind of guy I think well worth the risk. Hence now why things are where they are! It's good :D Oh and the first date thing is delightfully petrifying, but it was nice! so... reactions: Family were surprisingly good. Apparently I put Laura through too much hell in the early years and now she wouldn't ever put me through the same. Glad that didn't back fire! My fine littlies think it's all rather exciting (and they like him lot anyway. Han knew him before I did). Mum hasn't been too bad, I think the rest might have the tight reins on her (so the little birds say). Hi Mum, you read this too don't you :S please don't. Dad has been Mr. Typical, which has been quite lovely, haven't heard too much from him. Analise, guessed before I said who. Sam was all rather wrapped up in her own euphoria... haha Sussanah's, "Ohhh!" was all class. Clacy quite literally found the floor in his typical fashion and laughed his face off in disbelief/delighted or something similar. Jess got cross that I hadn't told her before Clacy (whom I happened to see earlier and couldn't lie to his usual 'Are you dating anyone' type question). Mr. Youl - well, he absolutely made my day. Which does mean it's probably circulated the staff room of my former school (Hi Anne ;) Kat overheard, "It's about time!" from some unknown, when we walked out together on Sunday... apparently lots more people knew something was going on before I really clued into it all. Tad disturbing that. Jess H was sitting squashed up on the couch with me on Wednesday night. "Did you hear Geoff has a girl-friend!" I nod, "Do you know who she is?". It was glorious giving the simple, "Me!", her facial expression was priceless and she was bouncing around on the couch making wild thumbs up signals across the room. Hilarious! Mark Smith - Dad's good friend (old family friends of ours) and an old work colleague/boss of mine. M: "Have you got something to tell me Rebecca?" R: "You know what it is or you wouldn't be asking" M: "I know the boring side...." etc... M: "It's quite a surprise, we didn't think you'd even have anyone until both Emily and Hannah were married!" I know of a few more - not of my experiences though. News travels fast. It's been easier dealing with it than I anticipated. Much to my relief. Fear is a silly thing sometimes. And I've already said far too much! So that's enough on that, I might just go back to pretending that I don't play truth and dare. Don't expect many/all the details. That's not going to happen. Pray for it all please. That's the best thing you can do.

Never understanding

It is particularly late again. I have been listening to some Todd Agnew songs (haven't for ages) one based on Isaiah 6. I was doing something else online at the time but it's one of the few songs that really hits something home in me regarding God. It interuppted what I was doing - I'm not a super emotional person, but it definitely got there. The actual passage - "Isaiah's Commision" is actually quite disturbing. I love how it reveals some of who God is. It's quite beautiful in, "With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." (v.7) But then this holy God goes on to tell Isaiah to let the people, "'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'" I'm not sure I understand... This is really not the best of times to be thinking about theological stuff - and I'm not in a place where I can recall the story of Isaiah very well. But it is curious. There is a profound wonder and mystery about God. About his holiness and why God does what he does. At the same time I guess much of what this is about (or whether I'm being influenced by what I've gleaned through what I'm hearing) is about letting it all go and letting this Holy God be God. Who are we in light of God anyway. And more so, look at what he's done to place us in a position where we so clearly shouldn't be.

And the big freaky news

...that I found out today: Dad reads this blog. "Hi Dad!"

When you hear from

I laughed heaps at recieving this email - so I thought I'd share it. It also puts a bit of my 'unsaid' news out there which I've been pathetically alluding to for a few days now. This is from my old English/Texts teacher. Mr. Youl. An extremely knowledgeable man and a great teacher.

Bec! Hi! Just heard the news about a certain boy/girl friendship of which you personally provide one of the polarities!!! I was able to give the mother of the male polarity a GLOWING report of your charm, style, and grace, not to mention vim (I had to look that last one up). She in turn alerted me to your Blog, which I've just visited. Very interesting indeed. I tried to leave a comment, but the 21st century does not really like me visiting it, and I was told my application for an identity had been denied because something or another had been "disabled", I think. Anyway, lovely to be reminded of you, and interesting to read some of your meanderings. I was not sufficiently skilled in computereze to locate that part of your Blog which was dedicated to me. Blessings be upon you, Bec, Colin

Nice to know you gave me a decent rap! This one can be dedicated to you if you like.

Early mornings

I would really love to go to bed right now. I did just realise that the electric blanket hasn't been on however and as Melbourne had thrown an exceptionally cold one into the wind, (of which there really is none just now), I might as well leave you - all those who are still awake, with something to read. I can tell you now it's going to be a 'what happened' and not any real profound thoughts on anything. I woke up awake and pretty happy at 6:30 this morning - which is an altogether a bizarre thing for me. Felt the need to pray for a couple of people (as you do *shrug*) so had a good hour or so doing that and just thinking. I must have slipped back into no-conciousness land because the next thing I knew the clock was saying it was almost 11pm. To which I fractionally panicked as I was meant to be in the city by 12ish - Takes a good hour by train. Got my act together eventually after aiming to get the train at 12:30 latest. Which worked quite well - because I couldn't as easily leave my car at the station tonight and so waited until Mum was heading out again. I found Katie and Jo waiting for me under the clock. We wandered up to Max Brenners (CHOCOLATE) in Melbourne Central. Jo opted out of the festivities. Katie and I got something different. Mine was extremely good - far too rich. Did taste a bit just like an extra good hot-chocolate (which is good because I've never been that huge of a fan). I couldn't drink it all, but it was well worth what I paid for it. Great atmosphere! Interesting shop/cafe really. An hour or so there and on to Top Arts at Fed Square. My suggestion. Basically because I keep going into the city on Mondays when it is conveniently closed. Got to see Julia's portraits (one of my lovely cousin Jaclyn) on show finally. I really like the diversity you get through the VCE art. We stood for 20 minutes watching a dvd a guy had made on the city and on status differences - like homelessness. It was funny, but at the same time quite powerful. Wow some people are talented! It was great to run in to those two again. Nothing like the last 'city' visit, which began so awkwardly. Do you still read this Katie/Jo? Sat in McDonalds to escape the cold and to act like a loner (after they left) and a non paying patron but not for long. Geoff got there and we walked the long way round to Southbank. Had some dinner. Then the curious treck to Brunswick St - or along Brunswick :P Ran into... what's his name Nethercote and co. and then up to the Retro Cafe. Mum invited me a few days back to something their homegroup was going to - A Forge night with a guest theologian: Baxter Kruger. Spare tickets and as I'd heard his name mentioned somewhere before and at that stage had nothing else to do and with no idea of who was going to be there - agreed. I was definitely the youngest person there. Many familar Tabor faces though. Was great to see Warwick again, and sat on a table with Troy. (past YITS lecturers) also, Deb and Allan Hirsch (old family friends), Tolly and Lyndal. Wow how to fill my mind so fast. Actually that's a little of an exaggeration. I wasn't totally unfamiliar with the concepts presented. Go read about it here, I can't be bothered. Warwick has well and truly mentioned the whole idea of 'the dance' and I liked a lot of what was said. Not everything no. And I agree with Anne that I would've liked to see more actual direct Biblical references. I personally didn't find him very funny but that's alright, he was still engaging and easy to listen to. Being the 'youngun' in a room full of brilliant minds was fractionally daunting but extremely enjoyable. I for once revelled in the slight feeling of powerlessness. I did a little bit enjoy hearing a real non-movies American accent again :P I did take some notes, so more thoughts on some of that later. Car trip back with, my parents, Geoff's parents, Geoff and Trudy was very amusing, despite being quite asleep. I like hearing Dad throw around theological ideas, reminds me how wise he is ;) There was also a very strange point during the trip- where it was like I'd definitely dreampt some of it before. A 'dejavu' moment - except not. Okay, that bed had better be warm now...

My stunning mind

This has absoultely nothing to do with my day, but the following cartoon (which I nabbed off Ana) describes me perfectly at times. Credit to Clay at Morsel Disruption for the fine piece of work.

Monday not Tuesday

Do you know how flipping annoying it is sometimes to be totally abnormal/contrary to the rest of the population in how you view particular things - how you respond etc. Wow the head has perfect control - too much control. Live a little Rebecca? YITS people caught up tonight. At Jess's place again. Poor girl was sorethroated and not even awake when Sam and I got there. Dave rocked up followed pretty shortly by Luskie, Clacy, Elyce, Darryn and Iain. That was it for the night. A good crew. Some amusing banter - around my current circumstance and other such happenings. Jess was 'mock' (or really) cross with me for a short while and then got over it. Sam got a phone call and left the room. Elyce caught my eye and I moved across. She asked me some pretty straight out questions and we had a brilliant conversation. The others moved rooms and we stayed chatting for ages. Really helpful, really encouraged and better still she prayed for me at the end of it. How much I value her advice and her love, her ear and her willingness to bring whoever it is before God, in this case - me! Had interesting conversations the rest of the night from, 'Gay marriage' to some funny animal theory Elyce had (not as bad as it sounds!). Got a superb massage from Jess and a good scarce compliment from Mr. Lusk which I fully appreciated. Fantastic day! Oh... and I managed to watch "Tuesday's with Morrie". Very interesting movie! Much to think about in there - I'll really have to get hold of the book. Bring on philosophy, poetics and the nuances of life anyday! There's a poem read out in the middle of it - I really want to get my hands on it...

Times are a changing

I think I just made quantum leap in something I've wanted for so long. I picked Hannah up from school and we went out for coffee - something I promised her before she went on Centre Trip. 16 years of 'catching up' - of starting something finally. We talked rather freely about all kinds of things. Friendships, Relationships, Parents, Sisters, Head vs. Heart - how we differ. I am insanely excited something of the sort is finally happening. I am not very close to any of my sisters -despite being a twin and having three of them. Too much good stuff!

Dumb blog things

It's really really nice outside - windy and if it was warmer I'd be out there, but for the moment I haven't even gotten out of my pj's so as I just came across mandy's blog (she being a gusher) I'll pretend to be utterly facinated in these things because they're: OH SO TRUE: You are Ocean Blue You're both warm and practical. You're very driven, but you're also very well rounded. You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.What Color Blue Are You? You Are Crimson Red Down to earth and warm-hearted, you instantly make everyone feel at ease around you. And while you have an understated passion - you lack the uncontrolled passion of most other reds. You prefer to sit back and enjoy every situation life has to offer. You put an optimistic spin on everything. And even when things are going well, you don't get too amped up. You prefer to keep your emotions as steady as possible. What Color Red Are You? You Have a Choleric Temperament You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior. What Temperment Are You? Your Blog Should Be Green Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog. What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be? Your Personality Is Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. The Three Question Personality Test And *snigger* my power colour is.... Your Power Color Is Lime Green At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?" What's Your Power Color? I totally do not agree with many of the above statements!

A bit more obscurity to keep you guessing

What a terrifyingly excellent day! Picture from Exploding Dog, "and you don't know what's inside" just to be thoroughly obscure. Church: Pete was all over the place this morning, kept me on my toes - some good points though! Prophesy time this morning is also worth noting (despite me being so far back and some of it hard to hear) some stuff in there for me I think. If I'm allowed to take them personally (as well as corporately). Trust trust etc.

Stuff and Nonsense

It's always a risky thing going along to a music recital where the vocalists tend to vary quite drastically in talent and scope. Tonight's experience was actually quite a good one. In my own humble opinion my beautiful little sister, Hannah's second song, "Stuff and Nonsense" (Neil Finn) was the absolute highlight of the night - and I'm not just saying that because she's my sister. I don't do things like that. I'm far too honest (usually for my own good). Her first was in Italian and as she described it, "Went slightly pear shaped" due to having never sung with a flute playing as well as the piano, I could only tell a little bit - but then, I'm thoroughly unmusical and I can't speak Italian (Although might be able to count to ten in it, I still get mixed up with French). There were some other highly commendables. Gabby did a good job, as did Tiffany (Can't believe she's only 12!) and a girl who sung two songs from a musical. Blair and Marita I should also mention (seeing as they're Em's friends, they were good, and she reads this). I dragged Sam along to spend the night with me. Correction: she needed to chat and that was the only time we could manage. The whole concert was a fund raiser for The Oak Tree Foundation and a chance for my sister's singing teacher to show off her student's talent. Clacy was there as he's a good friend of Gabby's. He did the typical Michael thing gave me a massive hug, called me beautiful within about the first three minutes and asked if I was dating anyone. I think I just laughed. We had him quite literally on the floor in shock/delight later as Sam can testify (if you bother asking her). Hilarious! Grandparents were there - of course. Came for dinner too. Can't believe my luck: Chicken and Broccoli two times recently!!! AND Sticky-date pudding. I ate far far too much. Decided I should probably start making my own graphic thingos - at least occasionally. Here's one. The result of boredom + camera + photoshop.

Not Worth Watching

Lets provide the Lost in Translation contrast shall we... This (early) afternoon I watched The Notebook. Gag, Gag, Gag, nice in a bit of a way but terrible nevertheless. I don't mind the odd romantic story, but that was a little too much. Allie is just plain stupid. Mind you I knew a bit of what I was getting in for as I've read Nicholas Spark's book. That was a horrific experience. But when a friend who doesn't read gets excited about a book - then you do go and do the favor of reading the thing despite wanting it over asap. Figured I'd eventually have to watch the movie as it was, and I quote, "Better than the book". Not sure about that either, they were both at about the same low level - and seeing as the local 'video library' didn't have 'Everything Illuminated' (Nor had even heard of it!)- I grabbed it along with the two others. Best thing about the movie was the 1930's/40's fashion. Allie's character - Rachel McAdams was generally pretty good although I still think it's a stupid role because of the stupid choices the character makes. Whoever played Noah (I do like that name) was as boring as anything. Perhaps that was the greatest downfall? If you care to drown yourself in saccharine, I'd highly recommend it. It was a "nice" movie.

Favourite Things

Inspired slightly by a thread I came across in gush and the current blogging trend of lists and more lists... so... "These are a few (*coughlot) of my favourite things" in no particular order:

• Rain on the tin roof (when you're in bed)
• Having my own car
• Good conversations with good friends
• Community when it's working and you're at the point where you are thoroughly comfortable just being yourself (and so is everyone else)
• Finding the 'witty comeback' at precisely the right moment - or getting on a roll where they just keep on coming :D
• Laughing til it hurts
• Good books
• Thinking and interesting theories
• When God makes things superbly relevant ie: verse jumps off the page (that saying I like my Bible quite a bit)
• Friends knowing your quirks and knowing how to respond to xyz or knowing exactly how you'll respond before you even do. Having enough of a history with your friends that there is plenty to laugh about/remember together.
• People who challenge me and pull me up when I could be doing better, the best people in the world are those who can tell you the truth about something not so pretty in your life and still manage to not make you feel worthless and crap
• Waking up feeling awake (anyone know what I'm talking about?) and because the sun came in the window and not because someone yelled at your or the alarm went off
• Coffee/Cafes/decent Chai Tea
• Chocolate Self-saucing pudding and Stickdate pudding
• Spending time with friends
• Word Games (especially when I'm winning) - I like winning too!
• Having a choice made/a descision finalised/completing something well
• Christmas Eve and reading the Hobbit and listening to Handel's Messiah
• Photography
• Art House movies and movies that have a bit of depth to them alt. comfortable favourites like Little Women
• Good music (btw. check out Kings of Convenience. Thanks Tom!!!)
• Interesting blogs
• That feeling you get when you find exactly the right words when you are writing or that funny euphoria when the words just keep on coming.
• Long (or short and good), not-to-everyone on the contact list emails
• Views where all you want to do is look and look
• Perfectly clear sky and when it's dark enough to see hundreds of stars
• My ugg boots
• Being warm
• The smell of wet ground and freshly mown grass...
• Green grass, blue sky, sun and a bit of a breeze and no pressure to do anything
• The smell of my Grandpa
• Respect
• Open fires/watching fire
• The shape of trees
• Being right/getting things right
• Beautiful art/photographs
• Things that are aesthetically pleasing
• Red walls (Kat's house is a good example) err, I just like them.
• Having something to look forward to
• Having the courage to set something right or the feeling of having done something you were afraid to do
• Being able to offer advice and be a genuine help to the person you're talking to
• People taking me into their confidence

wow... I could go on and on. I think that'll do for the moment. Might do the inverse to this list some day - now that would be interesting. Commenting is a no-brainer on this one! (hint)

• I like getting comments on my blog

Worth Watching

Just saw Lost in Translation Ahh! Do yourself a favor and see it. Brilliant, brilliant movie! I just find it really hard to articulate why...

Where He's involved

Wednesday night, Tim P showed me a couple of things he'd written, one of which I think he'll be discussing with us all next week and another which he had in his hand and I asked for a look... after reading it - I asked him to email it to me as it was reasonably helpful/reassuring for that moment. It rings vaguely with what sits on my wall by my bed (and is on this blog somewhere).

"The places you don’t want to be are where I have called you. The people you have met and know, are the people that I have placed in your life to grow you and shape you. Each day new things will happen and your only certainly is that I will be there for you in it all. Trust Me and let Me love you, for I am more than you need. Soon days will come where you may feel in over your head, but know I am with you. With Me, you have power beyond anything that could come your way. Be strong in Me, and I will be strong through you. My love is sufficient for you."

There has been a fair bit of trust needed lately. A fair bit of leaning on God. Of facing ridiculous outdated fears. Oh it's good - it really is, which is probably why I'm so keen on working some on some of the scabbed bits of me. Ha. At the same time things are all pretty daunting. I like it how God makes a point of reminding me of where he is in everything. I keep coming across Psalm 116. It's a funny thing. There's reliance on God because of need, reliance because of want, reliance because there is no other option. It's a good experience to have a taste of it all - particularly the 'want' bit. I want so strongly for God to be entirely involved in this facet of my life. If only that desire was so strong for life as it is in it's everyday, it's intriguing, it's mundane, it's routine, it's occasional highlight, it's good times...

Universities

You are currently position 403 in the queue. The waiting time is approximately 27 minute/s.

...so lets find out what my timetable's going to look like in a few weeks.

And so it goes...

Sweet relevance

If you would like to read about my day Analise has a mighty fine post (linked at the end so you read mine first muahaha) - this should save me a lot of words as I intend to focus a bit more on yesterday and last night. I spent the majority of yesterday feeling thoroughly unsettled/apprehensive (ie. no, just plain nervous) about something, by dinner I was 'well and truly over everything'. Spent too long putting up books on Ebay - there are quite a few up at the moment but it took far more time than it should've due to my head. I figured life doesn't give you too much of an option to envelop yourself into a foetal position, sure it'd be nice but we get a good nine months of that at some stage and that really should be enough. Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly - but oh I hate things that aren't strictly within my control. The drive to Young Adults was not the most pleasant in many regards but there was a little finality about something. I was insanely curious as to how the evening would unfold. We were missing quite a few people. It was a far cry from last week's frustrating discussion. My 'head runneth over' with everything else as well as the discussion around Luke 5. It got interesting. I threw an alternate perspective on the story of the fishermen out there - knowing quite well that it wasn't of the highest quality theological value, I do like taking the different angle on things - sometimes you get something out of them, if anything they don't do any harm (I wasn't being heretical) perhaps I should stick to doing it in my head. By way of explanation, the not-quite disciples got this mega lot of fish before they were encouraged to drop all and fish for men - my head ran down the path of that they would've had to do something with those fish. The usual: sell them (?) and so this is mega provision and 'setting up' before the go out to do the 'real work'. Now there is no substantial backing but it's interesting pottering around context and Biblical life time posibilities... yeh Bec, keep your mouth shut. I think very badly when I am on the spot. I love having the time, the paper and the pen to properly digest something. I truly suck at giving valuable input into groups over a certain size unless I've had considerable time to think about things first. Sure I might occasionally spit out a 'gem' but they really don't come when your head is entirely elsewhere. The whole transition and progression of the evening was entirely facinating. Tim P (IT) wrapped things up nicely when he mentioned trust. Very much a 'point out what's right in front of you' moment - I thanked him for it afterwards. James ran communion. A very interesting experience, where he took us out of the main area and behind a curtain (or infront rather) and talked about sacrifice and sin, complete with photocopied cows. A short reflection time for acknowledging something in our own lives - a sequence of passages from the Bible whereby he talked about how we often miss that we really don't deserve at all to be in that place - what the Jews knew as the holy of holies. And he finally tore the curtain (sheet) and we went through. A table with communion stuff and many verses written out on the ground. We were to pick one that stuck out as relevant, and sit aside with another and discuss/reveal why chose that particular piece - pray for eachother and take communion together. I pounced on 1 John 3:16 very early on. "This is how we know what love is - Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for others." Analise obliged me her company, her prayer and her verse and explanation. We ended up as usual at McDonalds. And it ended up: Tim P, Tim O, Geoff, Jess W, Analise and myself. We had some facinating and hilarious discussion around relationships/friendships, plastic spoons etc. Intriguing the topics that came up within those really. We wrapped up just before they closed MD... and from there you can read on over at Analise's. I thoroughly enjoyed her company both last night and today. I value your friendship immensely Ana and I am far more at peace about the things that were plaguing me yesterday.

On music

I woke up this morning to, "Good morning sunshine, the earth says hello!" which I met with a groan. It took me a good long while to haul myself out of bed. Had some breakfast and showed Jess (the culprit) how to use ebay - although it was partially 'down' so that didn't work, I think I managed to reassure her that it was all very straight forward and you just click your way through the selling process. She had her computer there and was playing some of the new Nelly Furtado stuff - really not a fan. She has entirely changed her style and it sounds like a bad combination of 80's music and R&B. Nasty. One song was alright. I like some of her old stuff - the acoustic ones. I was hunting some Sixpence lyrics this morning on Google and found a few of their's I don't have... I own about six of their cd's and thought I pretty well had them all, aside from one collection lot - which I have every song from anyway. I cannot work out where the songs have come from, perhaps from movie tracks or other compliations? This mean's I'll have to track them down online or something to a) appease the curiousity monster, b) own them. I first found Sixpence not through the hit "Kiss Me" (having been out of the country) but on a CD called Exodus that mum picked up from somewhere Brighten My Heart. I tentatively bought their newest CD Divine Discontent - it took a good while to grow on me, and suddenly hit home that yes I really did like them a lot and was listening to them for siginficant periods of time without getting sick of them. And over the next year or two aquired as many as I could get my hands on - with varying likeability strength. I have found verty few people that share this taste. Oh well. Their lyrics are spectacular! Leigh Nash also has a new album coming out sometime in August - I will be getting my hands on it asap. That saying I detest their cover of 'Dancing Queen' because I've never liked the song and have bad mental images of Kylie Minogue strutting her stuff some Olympics opening ceremony to it... And a couple of others like Trust that I find pretty annoying. The reprise is okay. They are not flawless. Having spent the majority of my life outside of mainstream culture it's been a slow introduction to the music world. I still haven't got much of a clue when people talk about various bands. My collection is predominantly Christian music -which I guess is okay but it's a pretty narrow field. I very much appreciate finding good stuff that isn't - I never really know where to start. I like this one a lot at the moment (Sixpence) Drifting Drifting away from you Spinning down to the pinpoint drop of isolation In a spell Walking away from the fire That keeps my heart From turning ice Golden feet grace the surface of the sea Sinking deeper I view them from underneath Flailing kicking as I head for the deep I question a hypothetical lead supper Oh God receive my outstretched hand Will I inhale the blue Spinning down upon the glass A ghost towards realization of a cell Enclosing the hauntings of a past That blind the eyes And rust the heart So I fell I need you to take my hand And keep my heart from ice

You delight

It's fair to say it's been a really good day. I managed to catch up with both Dave and Paul. Dave over 'beanie shopping' and Starbucks and Paul for late lunch. But hey, some good conversation can happen even in the middle of a food court. God has put some marvellous friends in my life. I guess I've really passed the point of my 'early driving career' where I can be all gushy about driving - but I really do love the alone time it gives. Driving back from Eastland this afternoon I had good music up loud, the clear and beautiful view of the Dandenongs and the opportunity to enjoy God and enjoy life in that moment (in a funny kind of way). Life's not exactly all roses, but God has been startlingly clear in his goodness lately.

A year of difference

It's been a day run on very little sleep. I got a grand total of 4.5hrs last night. Due to a couple of things - something I was thinking extensively about and praying about and the rsi in my right wrist/shoulder flaring up. The latter was the most to blame when the time got to the ridiculous, I was well over running through a million and one options in my head. At 3:30 or so I got out of bed and sat in my beanbag and read my way through 1 Corinthians. Why the heck I picked that, besides something in me saying 'read chapter 2', I'm not sure. Chapter 2 really didn't get me anywhere too far. It did overall bring a certain kind of - stillness to everything and I managed to sleep pretty well straight after. Earlier in the evening after I got offline and a while - I began walking myself back through a few old journal entries. I wanted to check out where I was this time last year. It was just a little bit annoying to have not actually written anything on July 2nd 2005 but I read the days around the date. June last year was a significantly difficult time for me in terms of where I was with God. It was the 'dreaded midyear holiday' period and I believe there occured what I experienced as a shocking family holiday, a big lot of doubting and some pretty large issues around trying to be positive. By the very start of July '05 I was realising a few things and getting back some confidence in this 'God of mine'. 3rd of July '05 - the journal (I was on an 'off period for blogging') has a good old look at some stuff from the book Captivating. The mention of Prov 4:23, some wandering around 'understanding myself' and the mention of something I find quite funny - about some fears I had (and still sort of have) the wants, and the desire to find my place in the world. Very interesting. On Sunday Kathy preached - and if the YVV site is working you can probably download it in a week or so, on Eph 4:9-16 and Mark 14:32-42 - about 'Growing Up' 0r, "attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ". As always I got heaps out of what she had to say and took copious notes. The 'freedom' theme came up several times which was interesting in light of that dream I had the night before. Building into our spiritual maturity came up which she pointed to being both through spiritual disciplines and emotional health. I had a laugh in the midst of my head's garbage at the irony of just how low a point I was hitting in the, 'emotional health arena' re: the listed examples given, at that point. It's a good thing to know that God is invested in our wholeness. It is (spiritual maturity) very much a unity thing - the 'growing up' involves eachother. I was reminded of what John Capper gave me back in March, Phillipians 2 and how he encouraged me to keep on with what was already going on in my life. A very positive morning all round (other bits besides the sermon were really good too) that managed to thoroughly muck with my insides but in a good way. Today I spent on a trip into the city with Sam to meetup with Steve (that WAlien still hanging around ;) - I was glad to get out of the house and into a situation that didn't require or allow for much thought or the tendancy to slip in to, 'I need Matthew 6 principles now'. So we did the 'cultural' tour. ACMI as Fed Square Art Gallery was closed (yet again!) - I've never been there - it was pretty cool. NGV - no Picasso for Bec this time unfortuantely :( but I got to facinate myself with the photography exhibition on Suburban America which both S&S got sick of long before I did, and the Shrine of Rememberance. Check out some of the photos on flickr if you so desire. Oh - and a trip to Starbucks. I got the train back by my ownsome and was entertained by usual interesting train moments and my own head. Mum made Chicken and Broccoli tonight - my favourite, and there was pithy orange juice. The difference from last year to where I am now is huge. If it is possible to encourage yourself - I have by standing back a little and watching my reactions of how quickly God came into the focus of where my concerns were - He truly is what comes first and he really does look out for us.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - 1 Cor 2:9

This'll do nicely

How not to take photos

Rather than bore you with a long wordy post (I'll get to that later) here's a bit of a 'photo tour' with some extremely badly taken photos this afternoon. I can claim fault for a few of them - but for the rest I did not have control of the camera... There are some times where it's just better to save the photo taking until you've got decent light. Anyway with corny and normal captions, I bring you a social afternoon of the young adults where we bbq'd after church and crashed at Tim's place to play some (Boggle) games - which we got to evenutally, after charades and a fair lot of talking etc... BBQ'ing. Jess and Ana insiting on not being 'in the photo' Tim (oudoor ed Tim) and Susannah, err, this can illustrate all the 'talking' that went on. Andy, Jason (some mate of Tims) and another guy I never got the name of. Michael and Kat (Who just got back from Fiji ) and Dan and Nay (Just back from China!) being silly. Jess and I looking like we've taken something - Jess definitely did. Laura, Me and Geoff watching charades- I think this is the best photo of the lot despite it being rather grainy (having been lightened by me) candid is good even if it reveals multiple chins etc :S..... Not Laura's feet on the right. It does err show my comparitive shortness. Jerome and Cameron (who looks oh so young in this photo), Rest of the crew watching charades: Justin, Chris (unknown), Jess, Jerome, Cam, Isobelle, Ana, Dave (Jess's bro's jumper). Analise 'charading' and Nicole sitting on the floor there (who's NEW finally some more girls!) and Jess in her element with a *little* word. Terrible photo (massively lightened) but to prove Marty does exist, Jess and Dan (and a bit of Geoff's tongue apparently) because that's really the only other vertical photo left. And yes, there were a couple of others there: Chris & Sarah, Ben (Dan's brother) and some other new guy - whom I didn't get to meet (woops) they weren't really around too much, the one photo I do have is really terrible... not that I took it, but so that they feature (sorry to Ben): Aren't we all just so photogenic!