A year of difference

It's been a day run on very little sleep. I got a grand total of 4.5hrs last night. Due to a couple of things - something I was thinking extensively about and praying about and the rsi in my right wrist/shoulder flaring up. The latter was the most to blame when the time got to the ridiculous, I was well over running through a million and one options in my head. At 3:30 or so I got out of bed and sat in my beanbag and read my way through 1 Corinthians. Why the heck I picked that, besides something in me saying 'read chapter 2', I'm not sure. Chapter 2 really didn't get me anywhere too far. It did overall bring a certain kind of - stillness to everything and I managed to sleep pretty well straight after. Earlier in the evening after I got offline and a while - I began walking myself back through a few old journal entries. I wanted to check out where I was this time last year. It was just a little bit annoying to have not actually written anything on July 2nd 2005 but I read the days around the date. June last year was a significantly difficult time for me in terms of where I was with God. It was the 'dreaded midyear holiday' period and I believe there occured what I experienced as a shocking family holiday, a big lot of doubting and some pretty large issues around trying to be positive. By the very start of July '05 I was realising a few things and getting back some confidence in this 'God of mine'. 3rd of July '05 - the journal (I was on an 'off period for blogging') has a good old look at some stuff from the book Captivating. The mention of Prov 4:23, some wandering around 'understanding myself' and the mention of something I find quite funny - about some fears I had (and still sort of have) the wants, and the desire to find my place in the world. Very interesting. On Sunday Kathy preached - and if the YVV site is working you can probably download it in a week or so, on Eph 4:9-16 and Mark 14:32-42 - about 'Growing Up' 0r, "attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ". As always I got heaps out of what she had to say and took copious notes. The 'freedom' theme came up several times which was interesting in light of that dream I had the night before. Building into our spiritual maturity came up which she pointed to being both through spiritual disciplines and emotional health. I had a laugh in the midst of my head's garbage at the irony of just how low a point I was hitting in the, 'emotional health arena' re: the listed examples given, at that point. It's a good thing to know that God is invested in our wholeness. It is (spiritual maturity) very much a unity thing - the 'growing up' involves eachother. I was reminded of what John Capper gave me back in March, Phillipians 2 and how he encouraged me to keep on with what was already going on in my life. A very positive morning all round (other bits besides the sermon were really good too) that managed to thoroughly muck with my insides but in a good way. Today I spent on a trip into the city with Sam to meetup with Steve (that WAlien still hanging around ;) - I was glad to get out of the house and into a situation that didn't require or allow for much thought or the tendancy to slip in to, 'I need Matthew 6 principles now'. So we did the 'cultural' tour. ACMI as Fed Square Art Gallery was closed (yet again!) - I've never been there - it was pretty cool. NGV - no Picasso for Bec this time unfortuantely :( but I got to facinate myself with the photography exhibition on Suburban America which both S&S got sick of long before I did, and the Shrine of Rememberance. Check out some of the photos on flickr if you so desire. Oh - and a trip to Starbucks. I got the train back by my ownsome and was entertained by usual interesting train moments and my own head. Mum made Chicken and Broccoli tonight - my favourite, and there was pithy orange juice. The difference from last year to where I am now is huge. If it is possible to encourage yourself - I have by standing back a little and watching my reactions of how quickly God came into the focus of where my concerns were - He truly is what comes first and he really does look out for us.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - 1 Cor 2:9