Eighteenth of June 2005

so how to describe. or rather I don't know if I want to, I've desensitised or tried to, or those well established emotional boundries kicked in, in full force. church meeting. needed to be done. uncomfortable, emotional people, a stand up and leave in protest after a speil (at the end) with a minority following, a time where I was standing in the line and swearing repeditively in my head b/c my mind had nothing else to do... that and talk to God. last looks at faces. I didn't really properly say goodbye to anyone. sitting next to Janice at the back away from sisters/mum (glad). eating skittles we grabbed on the way in. frustrated at how the thing went round in circles. glad I couldnt see faces when resignations were being read out. "only way things can go are up"... church is not a building. wherever we end up God can use us. better than sitting around passively. anyway. numb. hurt. annoyed. glad its over. hard to say goodbye. all that. more. haven't had time to process properly I guess. dont' want to right now. Romans 8:28-39 Heb 12:2-3 Heb 12:14 2 Tim 2:23-26 Eph 4:14-21 aside from not crying all night. reading those did. thank you.