Conformity as a lifestyle (slightly-abridged)

I'm floundering again, or maybe I'm just a little lost. I don't know why I get this feeling. It's different this time. I came to the conclusion sitting in class today that I don't know myself any more and I can't work out if that's a good thing or not. Maybe it's a case of knowing myself or beginning to understand myslef with a lot of walls that were previously there smashed. My inside is being rennovated... and I'm sitting here over analysing again. God, I do wonder what you are trying to show me with all this worship stuff lately. It's like you are holding a neon sign in front of my face but still cannot read the words. Help me to understand Gd if there are specifics adn this is not just the beginning of a progressive journey - which is probably better in the long run anyway. Or is this just another way of you showing me small stuff through my everyday? I look at this 'lesson' so to speak and where it began... My guess now i sthat it started before the worship conversation and with that week I took off music, what did I ask You then?... I asked you to teach me through the 'silence' and who me more of your greatness. From the week off you bought me a conversation, a day to reflect more on it with a sermon/words closely aligned. You had me go listen about 'passion' wiht Christine Caine and you gave me a CL class on worship of all things! Remarkable coincidences some might call it. I love seeing you work. But I dont' understand. Ha, thats right, another thing, you gave me that article. Surprisingly it didn't feel as if I got as much out of theis week's Creative Living, maybe because I've been 'primed' and have been exploring the lingo so nothing hugely stood out. Should it matter if there are standout moments or not, probably not. So things that did make half an impression: the wearing of a facade etc... is not worship. God doesn't tolerate lies, worship is the same. Jane came up with the word 'conformity' as a word thought of when hearing the concept 'worship'. That is pretty much the most explicit way of describing so many services, hypey or not. "If you cannot worship the Lord in the midst of your responsibilities on Monday, it is not very likely that you were worshiping on Sunday" - Tozer We listened to the 'Hallelujah' song by Jeff Bukley (the Shrek one) discussed it and determined that worship was giving your hallelujah's to something/someone be it God or other. Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Cor 10:31 God please work in me, help me to give my hallelujah's only to you.... Be first. Conformity as a lifestyle sucks.