Seeing

I went to bed earlier than I have in about 6 years last night- By 8pm I was well and truly there, by 8:30 or so I think I was out of it. Slept around the clock - 12 good solid hours and woke up with a splitting headache. I now feel like I've found cloud nine, despite all that I have to do today. It could be due to a good breakfast, the knowledge that I don't have to go into uni today (erm... yes, I'm wagging that one hour), panadol that's curbed the headache, found some rather nice words in the 'What I love about you thread', or/and the fact that I got a really nice encouraging PM on Gush about something I'd posted, AND I came across something that makes anything I ever do on Gush so unbelieveably worth it:

"Oh, and I think this might be the place to say this, but I don't know. I do owe Gush A LOT, I think if it wasn't for Gush I would have thrown the idea of a God out the window long ago... I actually found myself praying today a little.. and realised that Gush is still having a change in me.. so thanks guys"

It'd be true to say that in the past week or so It's been much more of a task to notice God as much as I used to. I've been finding it pretty hard lately to be intentional about spending that time. Despite all this, I keep continually coming across a lot to do with being grateful. It's always a strange thing when you realise something has shifted in your relationship with God, usually pertinent to a change in life circumstance. Generally it usually works out better than previously because you have grown in some way, but there's that unstable point (days, weeks even months sometimes) where there is a good bit of weighing up what is, what should be, what was and how it all works together. I think sometimes the 'lazy-mans' method - or one of my methods at least, of when I don't feel like it with the God stuff - of reaching that point of acknowledging God for who he is and who I am in light of that is, is to opt for putting on some music. Of which happens to usually be on already. In that way (supposedly my doing - but I think not) something will resonate and I'll remember. There's an article up on Shared Worship about Music, Song and Worship. I guess what interests me a lot about it all is the link of music to joy,

"Song is a subset of music in this same task of expression, and is a great tool also. The use of words, our’s or other people’s, can often bring clarification to us of how we feel and what it is that erupting out of us. Song also brings an added dimension of the ability to give expression to the more “down” side of our feelings. Yet biblically it is clear that it’s closest partner is joy."

I remember maybe two years ago or so, I had a right old whinge about doing my 'thinking through song lyrics'. It was a time again like now, with the shift in circumstance/relationship. A conciousnesss of some kind of change, definitely a lot darker blacker point than now but there are some parallels. Looking at it now, it's not such a bad thing. I am not a 'music' person, but music is a very powerful way to get through to the core of something. I don't expect my 'coming across' the themes of gratitude and joy to slow, I'm a fair way from grasping the fullness of it. Between Joy and Patience I think I've got material enough for a lifetime. Funny really, what comes up considering that everything going on in my life at the moment is definitely worth being thankful for. It's a challenge, it's a never ending struggle to be following and recognising God continually, “But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "Let God be exalted!" – Ps. 70:4 I'm not sure where it's all going. I do know that God is good. I do like how he doesn't ever stop working in me. I am grateful for the moments like this morning where he uses others to encourage me by pointing out what he is doing. Keeping your eyes open (metaphorically or even normally!) takes work and hurts sometimes, but who would ever give up sight - there is far too much at stake, too much worth not missing.