No one

God gave me a bird today. It's been a while. Promises last. He hasn't forgotten and I still remember when I suddenly find one in a strange place when I really need to know and be reminded. I saw Garden State (movie) last night and have fallen in love with it's strangeness and depth. It was 3:00am by the time it was done and we put the lights out. I lay there (the one of the 5 of us most needing sleep) staring at the ceiling and thinking for a long time. Realness. The ability to feel not just joy but pain in order to experience the former in it's fullest. Reality. How much of life do we miss because we refuse to live it? I want to remind a few of you of this, what made it into my first blog post. "Whoever you are, this is but a little of who I am" Online is no reality. I can withold or share as much as I like. I can continue on doing what I often catch myself doing - reverting to building up persona's, letting others catch on to an idea when it in its fullest is not a true reflection of me and starts to stretch bars up around me until I am limited to that persona. I often wonder why some of my msn or other conversations between different people are so incredibally different. Some people draw out this appologetic frustratingly less confident me by simply responding they way they do - they don't mean it, I don't mean it and look on in surprise at how I am. I wonder how much of something draws back to the very first time you communicate with someone, how much is just due to who they are, their age, their sex, their own willingness to be open. I am amazed at how much people think they know of me (or I think, they think) when all they have is a blog, or some text on a computer screen.

"Dealing with stuff is both important and healthy... and I'm not foolish enough to discount text-based communication in that. God uses us here on the net. There's no question about that. I think somewhere though, there exists an imaginary line, where one of the parties needs to be quite hard-line about things... perhaps committing the cardinal sin in the online context: shutting down a discussion. "

Communication and reality. Something I've never been able to work out is how much do you share, where do you stop. There is transparent living and there is oversharing. There is friendship and there are boundries.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

How important it is to be real. "No man understands a woman, no woman understands a woman, no-one understands a woman." - (Tully from A Good Woman {movie}) The same applies to anyone. No human understands a human completely, not even I think ourselves.