Good (abridged)

Rain. I was unhappy going to church this morning, worn out from a vague flailing at effort to find somewhere right. I went anyway, I didn't have a good enough excuse (for myself) not to. I am glad I did. I was frustrated when the guy preaching said he'd address last week's not just the sermon I heard). Yes it had to be done, yes I knew it would be good, I was just sick of it. I was pleasantly surprised when he clarified things beautifully for me (God maybe ;) I have trouble, a lot of trouble being critical of the way certain things are done, of understanding the emphases of other denominations, however hard I try there is this intense seperation of what is good and what is simply not. To an extent this is a good thing in that I am not, I hope a naive spoon-fed Christian, but I criticise rather than set aside. Criticism often clouds some of what could be good and true and maybe useful. I do box God sometimes. I get tied and tangled in terminology and take too much at face value. So God gave me a good old prod about all that stuff. Secondly, this choosing a church business. I've come to a conclusion that if I pick a church and stick with it that's where I'm meant to be, it can work, there is not necessarily a right or wrong place (except of course if it is feeding lies or has massive problems or soemthing). Very much like the: is there 'the one' out there in the world.

E.g. (quoting self from gushgirl thread) I don't believe there is 'just one'. We still have free choice. however I do believe that God knows who. I think you could be quite happily married to x person or y person depending on who you actually 'exchange rings with' and not regret it. If you lived a marriage where "oh no! what if I got it wrong!" you are setting yourself up for big problems.

There will, regardless of place, be somewhere I can serve/do stuff. It may take a little finding but no one place is ever entirely so packed out of help. I am very tired about the relational aspect of finding somewhere new. I seem to face and have faced this far too many times before. Change, change, sometimes - actually most of th etime it hurts hugely, it is taxing and I wish it would all just happen - friends to appear magically, people to look up to that care. I miss Renee. I miss those familiar faces. Another attempt at trusting...