Dare you to move on

A cruel irony. 'Dare You to Move' is playing on the radio just as we're pulling into home. Last day of classes today. They played this song at the start of year camp. Nice of it to be a round ending. yes, that was sarcasm. So that is it. Year In the Son 2005. We have a camp this coming Monday (to Thursday) and a formal tomorrow night. So not quite over. I haven't allowed myself to feel what I know I want to be feeling, or I'd be denying self. I guess I'm saving it? Correction on that also. We went to Nat's place to hang out/swim as a finishing group focus. I swam for a bit. Chatted with Emma and few others. Later went to the lounge and just sat and listened to Matt and then Jessmyn play . I guess just thinking, gave my mind some room, talked to God. Katie, I'm desperately sorry I didn't get to hang out with you more this week. Youth Min. Had to self-assess our journals. I was getting input from Sam and Jo (blog readers) as to what's the theme/s been (since August). Sam pulled the word 'understanding' out of thin air. I used it. Understanding of myself, of God, of the world around/beyond me. This has been my year, not just my youth ministry journals. Sure it's a very broad kind of theme but it's true. It does however leave a lot of room for extrapolation. Another part of this self assesment was to list two questions that have come up. > Is God enough? > "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" and dealing with these questions, The first demands no less than to daily evaluate myself/motives/desires. The second? well ha, living for the present shall help, that and taking the opportunities (and being aware) of what God is doing and how I can join him in doing whatever that is. I decided that doing a self-feedback thing on journalling is really quite helpful, however difficult it is to pull out antianomalies after several months. Ending. Shall I, shall I not think about it? Forever is not an option. Change is inevitable. I will move on, I will change, I will probably leave many people behind. The difficulty lies in not leaving what I became this year, because if leave that behind I will leave a good proportion of myself. It is perhaps unfair to the rest of life to say that I found my footing a bit this year, but true. I looked at the hopes and fears that Rowan had saved from the first Group Focus class. I have faced them, met them or they weren't an issue. Cynicism came externally not internally. The others were all relationship orientated. I worked hard on this. I took risks. I let people closer. God drew a lot into place. I'm not all there. A long way to go. Confucious thought that, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I had to take more than one to reach a point of beginning. It amuses me some of the people God's used to work in this area and why they needed to be exactly the way they are, however frustrating it can be at times. Why must good things end?