Some of your own medicine (abridged)

Well I said I'd come back. Hmm.. how to convert this from journal to blog? I guess I'll just launch into it. The return trip from Adelaide, we went through Baccus Marsh - a remembering point for me (or the one). It was strange coming into it. Passing throught he cutting on the way out is where. I wasn't sure how I'd react internally. Nothing really. Surprisingly. I had somewhat suspected to feel more strongly about stuff. Maybe Australia is home now? Or I have grown into myself (what guff) and recognised things for what they actually are. Who knows. New Testament today, covered Galatians. I always seem to get a prod when legalism (although not specifically named) is talked about. I guess I do struggle accepting God's grace for what it is sometimes. It's generally a - how can I love God back > 'a payment' almost. Which is of course, not necessary. I feel the need to do, do and challenge myself more and more. When God simply is. With no input from me. I can't do anything to earn grace. That price has already been paid. I know it yes. I don't think that I always live up to it veyr well. Matt took us through a Lecto Divina thing on a passage in Luke (Jesus staying back in the temple as a boy). A phrase that stuck out to me: had to be in my Fathers house, not wanted, not was - had to. I got thinking a little later how this holidays, mabye before that even, I kind of rely on YITS or say a conversation for that 'God hit'. Spending time with God involunarily has been slipping, as it never 'quite fees the same' or something. I keep looking elsewhere (like Jesus' parents) and not finding what I'm after. I do depend/need time with God. I feels shocking without - bland, boring, wrong. I guess that it needs to become a 'have to' and less of a 'feel like it and then want to'. I need it. It hasn't been that way lately. I'm a bit disgusted at myself for actuallly talking/encouraging someone about spending more time with God when I'm failing quite adeptly. First day back (YITS). Was brilliant to see them all. Observations of people: Tom: looked stuffed (but kind of sick methinks)- I believe his mind was elsewhere half the day. Dave: entirely flustered over fundraising etc. for events. Aside from that. He encouraged me by talking about symbols (re: something I posted on gush) and other such 'good stuff in his life atm'. Katie: has this beautiful knack of laughing at you but not so you feel small :P Michael said something to/about me which I didn't quite fully catch. From her laughing (quitely to herself) I did however get the general gist (what to make of it?). ho hum. Jo: I hardly got to talk to her. Must do that tomorrow. Alecia: I missed meeting Christian, I also cant remember if I gave her the blog link or not. She should have it. Kym: gave me a hello hugh (dont hang round her that much :)) - lucky girl went to Switchfoot concert, "close enought to spit on them". Kerryn: she's so funny, she's quite mad. I don't know if I've ever seen anyone so delighted at how God works. I love that. It often makes people step back, mind you, she's is sometimes a little embarassing. Jess W: "I missed you!" so says she on the phone the other night. She didn't seem entirely herself today. She's a funny girl, calls me up to solve her problems, I say a little bit of stuff, and listen a lot as she talks it out. Then she's "you're very good" (in true Charlie and Chocolate factory style) "you solved it!" - when in truth she solves it herself by talking it out. Sam: you were a bit preoccupied with something? I'm minorly freaked about 3min speech tomorrow: 'what has yits meant for you?' mind over matter. psyching up to do. blahness get a grip Rebecca perhaps? goodnight world!